Today was an awesome day. Im going to cut the crap and go straight to the poitn, Im tired and I still have things to do so here goes.

Like I said, today was an awesome day. Although a little on the heavy side. Today in prayer meeting, the main focus was on letting it go, the past, your guilt, and just going deeper with God. In Service today, the call was for us to be stronger, and release the things holding us back, again guilt and the past. Then in EDWJ, talk about atonement, redemption from the past. One of the greatest hindrances to spiritual growth is a haunting sense of past failure and guilt. I guess.. that's me.

So, of failures and guilt I can think of many but for things to let go of... when I closed my eyes during prayer meeting, I dont know if it was due to my late night or whatever but I just saw Yoh. Now, does that mean I am to give up/let go of my manga/anime fandom? I must admit it is quite a hindrance and takes up alot of my time. But yet it is so hard to put down, my so called "area of expertise" to the world. And DM too, games and all. Even now, once i log on my first few moves after logging on the net is to head for the Forums and NF to look for new chapters etc. I guess, No, I KNOW it has become a obssession, an addiction. So how am I to get rid of it?

For one, im trying not to visit anymore, maybe delete em from my favourites list when I can. Next, *sigh* all my manga, I really cant throw it away... maybe bind it up and hide it somewhere along with my other stuff. That's alot of books. I dont know if it is enough and Im not sure how long I will last like that. Im serious here, i know a ton of you are thinking im kidding. Next im deleting all anime in my com, they take up too much space anyway. Then to clean up the music... There's lots ot be done.

After service, we wanted to go for RS's Grandma's wake but Daryl, Alfred and Calev had 3+9 and that left me, Dilys and Jean to wait it out for an hour, eat then go down. But my shirt was kind of in-appropriate (Light green) giving me the perfect excuse to slip off. Things would be easier that way, for everyone. I know \/\/43/\/ 1m /\/+ \/\/4\n+3> ... It's obvious. Things are bad, and getting worse. The call for a unified church to do great things, this division... is it my fault? I cant rectify it, can I? The clock is ticking, time is running out, no two ways about it, thi is the ultimum. This HAS TO STOP, I dont care how, but the requirements must be that everyone be at ease and no one is sacrificed. A great environment for teamwork, a world without akwardness, without selfishness. For that, this cant exist in that world, "YOU" have to disappear, forever.

The wake was quite crowded, mostly familiar faces, hat gave as much assurance as it could. But nothing can break down a cold wall. Nothing, on one side, solid ice, thick and continually built up. On the other a small metal spade, slowly scooping uselessly, becoming colder and colder as it tries in vain to scrape away the wall of ice. One cant get though the wall unless the ice is melted, before the spade freezes over and the digger gives up, then the ice wall will fossilize and stand for all enternity, most likely untouched. That would be the beginning of the death of tomorrow, like hell im going to let that happen!

Frustration - at my uselessness, lack of insight, lack of good judgement, tendency to mess up unknowingly. For Weakness - I want to be strong, at first to be worthy, now, to show what I can be without you. I dont need you, I'll become great, greater than you ever were and ever will be. I dont know how, but I will make you regret I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE TWISTED IN REGRET AND GUILT. That's how I feel, but I wont do that, no, What good will that do? Only hurt more people. "No battle is worth the blood it costs" no victory is worth the sacrifices made to achieve it. And in this case, in excess.

One leg in the water and one leg on the bank, under tons of rocks. First remove the rocks, then step in. Or try and smash the rocks, which will break into many smaller pebbles which are easier to handle, but numerous. Because, Im not strong enough to lift that rock off my leg to allow me to step in....

Quote of the Post:
kNOw God, kNOw Peace