I Remember

Ah yes, Very sadly I remembered what I want to blog about yesterday. Continuing from just now. Young people. On Sunday evening I went for a haircut at Heartland Mall, while waiting (There was a ton of people) There was this two girls behind me talking (really loudly actually... kinda embarassing too if you were there to hear what they were talking about) Young people this day have no shame, their values are all messed up and i think years of education are really being wasted on some of them!

First, a notice reads "Come in a group of 3 and cut for the price of 2" those two girls actually began trying to find someone to cut with them as they thought it would only cost them $2 each. Im like -_-u can't they read? Price of two, without the "$" means for the price of TWO PEOPLE, which is $20. Until a guy they approached told them, they were clueless, everyone had a fit of silent laughter, I was waiting ^_^

Then, private issues should be kept, private. No one in the queue nor the barber needed to know those two were "Crooked". Or thier sordid exploits, or thier personal preferances. Ehh, just remembering it makes my hair stand on it's end and moves a shiver down my spine, places a pit in my stomch and disgusts me. *bleagh* It's filthy I tell you. Even the barber went to tell them to keep thier volume down...

Wah!! School gave us a nice dose of "Chinese Enrichment". An hour in the hall, packed with ever chinese pupil from sec 1 to 5 after school to learn "creative poem writing". Well, thanks but for your information, O level does not include Poem Writing and keeping us back another hour after school ends including lining up and all is until 5pm!! Keep us back for a little "talk after a big event" and it's almost 5:30pm... What a surefire way to kill life ^_^

Oh yea! The school re-scheduled our timetables, USSR is back in the mornings, and Now upper sec and lower sec lunch is together at the same time without making the upper sec wait an extra 10 mins. Meaning, longer queues, same time, and less space. I wonder what made them seperate it in the first place? Hmmm... (Duh, common sense!)

Disrespectful, coarse and violent. That is the typical Peicaian, or so Mr Paul says. Is it true? Judging from what I see so far, yes. But what about the ones we dont see? Because they are good they are rarely in the spotlight, so the "goodness" of the school is not see, only the often focused on brash, loud and aggressive bunch. What a horrible image, but sadly that is what majority of the pupils here are. I do not despise anyone for beign weak or slow, because I myself am weak in certain areas. But What I cannot let off are htose who "kill" themselves without trying. "Im in Peicai, so I suck and am probably going to fail so I might as well not try." Rubbish, you have only truly failed when you fail to try.

When asked as a class, and the general answer is a lie. If I keep silent, did I lie too? Now I understand what Jon meant when he says some things in this world aren't totally black and white. Thats why I need to brush up more, get my walk right, live according to the word, then I can truly find the right path. So far so good, really, once you let off one day, you tend to let another day slip and before you know it, you've totally fallen behind.

Time is flying now, the first few months were just for gathering speed. Now in one week, it will be April. The chinese O level written paper is on the 30th of May. That is only 62 (give and take 2 days due to mental calculation and estimation) days left. And with the state my chinese is in, I'll be glad not to pull a E8, this year's syllabus isnt even covered yet. Dammnit, I dont want to go down with these people!

I hate them, I really hate them. How to love people who have everything against you just because you are you? There is nothing in me to change them, nothing I can do. But only God can, sometimes I wonder if this was too much for me to handle, would God give it to me? I dont know anymore, are these people even worth saving? The fires in hell need fuel to burn on im sure.. *bitterly* and by saying that I have just secured myself a place with them. Thanks...

Life is like a cycle. Of things going bad, getting worse, me trying to get it right, failing to, then going back to the basics, get things alright and then things go bad and the whole cycle goes again. Im sick, im really sick and tired, I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. Where is the line between life and dreams? Are any of this for real? What matters now if I already know the end?

No answers echo from the walls. I feel such a hypocrite. I share and try to witness to people when I am not right myself. I have all the theory and the knowledge, but I cant fool myself. That does not matter, I know too much, I hate that about myself. Why cant I forget what I know, not think so much? If that is what it takes, I dont mind being an idiot just to get right with God and living happily till I return home again, as an idiot. Ignorance is bliss.

I can see, one by one, little by little, the big picture, Im so small in it. I try my best to hide, but everyone knows more than they are telling. They know about me, about the things I never share, the things I've done that will make people gasp in surprise and go "Huh? Him!?". I can see it in your eyes. In all your eyes, yes, you do accept me, but being human there is this nature in you that you cannot suppress, that tells you to look down on others. Compassion and empathy can only cover so much.

Is my life one big conspiracy theory with a huge hidden agenda? It feels that way, anything that can go wrong will go wrong when I begin planning on my own. But once I do things with OTHERS involved, then only will the plans work out. Is it because having somone else involved makes it more difficult to distrupt so as to not implicate any other outside parties? Yea, its confirmed I AM PSYCHOTIC. Ive been to see a shrink a few times before, I dont know how many, my memory plays tricks on me. The things I remember, are any of those for real? Occasionally I get scraps of memories that seem to vibrant yet unrealistic, and I doubt my mind.

Agh, this is getting deep and time consuming. I'll blog again some other time then, ciao.

Quote of the post:
Dont spend all your luck getting what you want, you might need some luck to keep it.