Heyz, MT Prelim is on Friday so I sort of get the day off after the paper (Ok not just me, all graduating classes taking the paper) so I have something like a long weekend. Not that I will do me any good, Ive been feeling low all week, and off the top of my head I can think of like a dozen reasons (excuses) why but the truth is I dont know.
Actually I dont know what I know anymore. "If I tried to make sense of this mess im in, Im not sure where I should Begin" How true, almost everything is messed up. Or is messy. Or has some part of it that isnt right. Funny how things can change when nothing has changed except yourself? Ha, do I sound wierd today? BecauseI am wierd, enough said.
What do you do when you feel down/get angry/ other emotions? Someone asked a friend of mine that and it got me thinking. What do I do? I can't clearly remember in high detail my worst display of uncontrolled anger but I havea vauge idea. As for sadness, I dont know, I guess I never let sadness get to me, or for that matter, I guess I never found a way to express sadness.
Someone said that osingle children tend to grow up wierd with odd characteristics. Well ,I may have a sister but there wasa 9 year gap, wil that make that big a difference seeing that all the turns ive taken for the worse in the past began since pri 4 or so (age 11) and those major breaks in my life. Sometimes, life seems so simple and things so far away yet at times i look and all I see is the future coming up so fast and like just yesterday I wasn't anywhere near here, I cant express it in words but... you should get my point.
Im not going to think over it any longer, I have enough on my hands without my mind giving me a minature earthquake the wrong way down. Im stressed over my lack of stress. Odd? Not at all, I will surely die if I go on this way, but I cant break out. Why not? I don't know, I dont have the strength to. I can plan and plan but when it come down to doing it, i blank and waste the day away.
Today I want to talk about backstabbing via blogs. I know blogs are "personal" places people use to display "what they feel" to the world, kind of contra dont you think? If you have an opinion, feel free to express, but trash talking someone on your blog is no way to gain popularity or get back at them. If they read it, too bad for you, although the silliest excuse "You read it on your own free will" tends to surface the fact of the matter is that you shouldnt have stabbed them online where they wouldnt know but almost everyone would be able to access! And then you find ways and means to cover up and hide your deed. It's stupid, the whole thing, really. Im not talking about anyone in particuar now because I have no target but in general, that is what some people tend to do dont you agree?
At least for me, I dont mind if you talk trash about me, but at the very least, not behind my back and absolutely not with me not knowing what it is about. I can handle it, verbal abuse is like daily talk. Im immune, the true "sticks and stones" case. De-sensitised? Probably, sad isn't it? But I find it rather nifty to be able to stand straight and not let anything said get to you, hoever it may come across as being proud to some people and inccur some of their unwanted attention. It's still in the air, it is everywhere, Shimo Tezawari, the frost touch.
Im just tired, weary all the time. Be it when I wake up in the morning or before I go to bed. If there were a way to just sleep continuously, how long would I sleep? The latest I've slept till is 12 noon, and that was when I went to sleep at 5, so it's still only 7 hours. I just want to sleep/rest... as long as possible, life is so weary. Like living a dream, a neverending dream that continues in between gaps of reality, shifting up and down, mostly staying down and sticking there. But I wont die, I can't, there is so much I have not done, so many things I could do. There's got o be more to life, im sure of it, more.. but what?
Quote of the Post:
There's got to be more to life than chasing down every temple, every high.
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