Visionary...

One more week rolls by as work begins to pile up. Miss Kodi is becoming more and more like a friend than a teacher to the class, with an image somewhat like our form-teacher Oo. Still stuck ok D&T which is becoming worse as Problem Situations are required come Thursday. Very sleepy these few days, totally forgotten all my old PoA stuff overthe holidays... need to refreseh. TAF in the morning drains my already waning energy... not to mention the full day ahead.

After school, was chosen to go to the Singapore Science Centre for a talk with some others by Mr Tan Kim Huat (My D & T teacher). Not only did I waste a perfectly good Friday afternoon on the talk, It had NOTHING to do with D & T... entitled Electrons and Micoelectronics, it was more of a physics heavy session. We were all like super lost amongst the other schools like RI and Zhong Hua (2 buses) Now, setting off at 2 the school had this like 40+ seater bus to fetch like 7 - 8 of us! Shiok, but only one way trip. Reached and slacked about eating until about 3. Talk lasted an hour and walked around the next hour while the girls left earlier... ended up taking MRT from Jurong East to Outram to Kovan.

Tidied up and left for Youth Vision Day! Had lots of fun, all the tiredness just melted away during the session. Cecelia gave me my birthday present for 2004 (really not neccessary and un-expected!) it was a cool OP bag.. I considered swapping out my schoolbag for this, but it is too small.... Nvm then It will replace my Deuter bag for a while.. and I'll see how it unfolds. New member Qian Xiang, we all click well (Maybe cos he is abit insane too ^_^) so there was no akwardness, makes our life ALOT easier. He will most likely be joining our cell, so good lors ^_^

I have no right to complain but life always likes to play some kind of joke that is like really NOT FUNNY on me... and I fell again... I thought I had already given up hope on that route, but it had to be busted open by force ALL OVER AGAIN. Confused and stirred again... took me so long to forget the whole thing, I do not have that kind of time now!!

I feel SO guilty... I was angry, but I had NO reason to, and I almost let it get the better of me just because she said a casual remark to throw my question off. Then all the way back was like so buay song towards him... I knew that I had no reason to, but the circumstances were abit odd and I might have been a little tired, but still it was no excuse... Next time I get the chance, Im gonna apologise to him... yea... still it is too early, far too early and there is still that wild card and many other factors, I really have no idea how all this will play out. But for now, the way things are.. Im content, in fact it could be worse. I am thankful.

Later (now is already saturday morning) meeting all the other ER's and maybe some of the AR's for lunch... in a bid to raise RR unity ^_^ Pulled Darrell and Kenneth back (or so RS said) but Sean stil unconfirmed. Maybe tommrrow call him to come down... No real idea. Still reeking with guilt but I will still get a little angry just thinking about it.. it has been hours and hours.. when did this little thing begin? I think from watchnight bah.. yea, from after watchnight... wow, I kept that little hidden "grudge" for so long and didnt even know it existed.

Aiya!! Owe Anna her present on Sunday X_X Hmm.. guess I'll spend saturday looking for it... I dont think It will take to long if Im lucky but I have a bad feeling my plans wil fall and shatter. Tests piling up, got my first revision test back (maths) sian, only 13/20 plus one mark was a SUPER careless mistake... saw 28 as just 8... then English diagnostic test.. was last year's O level Nov paper 2 w/o summary. Only 17/25... Am I losing my touch? The 10 point goal seems to far away now. Can I ever chase my dreams at this rate... and with my subject combination If I make the higher class schools.. I cant take proper subjects... but that is where my goal is! Dilemma...

Life is dragging, and Im losing it all over again. I WONT!! I tell myself, spurring myself on to keep on. It is only a matter of time, the seed is planted, all it needs is good care and time.. time we do not have. 2006, the year stated in the Bible Code that the world will end, the end time signs are already here... I try not to question or think about it but it wont leave me alone. Keeps getting me all shaken and scared... disasters like the Tsunami, Earthquake and Volcanic Eruption are natural.. but all at the same time? I believe these are signs of the end times... And here I am still not doing anything... Now am I to face the Lord when my friends protest that I never shared with them the way before the end? How will I begin?

What is my motivation to study? Why do I want so desperately to get those grades? What is the reason... can that reason be the TRUE reason? It seems to foolish, a rash moment, yet so tangible! So close, but now further away then ever. Today the night sky was so beautiful, few clouds were around to blot out the stars today... it was so majestic... I have not gone star gazing for years. A leisure I DO NOT have time for.

It is like 2.30am already... Feeling tired now that my body clock reset to school timing again... no more sleeping at 4am for me haha... at least not until November ^_^ Getting off now... Keep me in your prayers k? I really need that support.. thanks...

Quote:
Is is no loss to give up what we cannot keep, to gain what we cannot lose.