It's been REALLY long since i've made an entry, 7 days to be exact, ONE WHOLE week! I don't kow how but seeing this un-updated blog makes me feel sort of empty inside like the feeling that I've been slacking and not doing things porperly.. I hate that feeling and I had it the whole of last year.
Lets move back 1 whole week... from the 12th or August... Lemme see oh yeah! On the 12th was our class 2.4km (Actually was much earlier but on that day it rained so it was posponed to the 12th) I failed (As per usual) but with a much better time, all I did was follow three simple steps. First always look forward and upwards, never look back, never look down, Second, Dont talk, to anyone for any reason unless it is totally necessary, not even to count (Count in your head just think of nothing else except the round), and lsat, empty your mind and just put one foot in front of the other, dont even care how tired you are, as long as you keep your pace and put one foot in front of the other you will move forward ^_^ Life is like that sometimes. Ever felt like giving up? Dont! Just keep moving on, forward is the only way to go.
Funny thing after school re-opened it was sooo stupid. Many of the teachers were absent so we had like relief half the time and the class was making all sorts of noise and fighting, throwing stuff around challenging the teachers to fight them -_- Stupid bunch of idiots. To think this lasted for a week! Im not being a goody two shoes or anything im just worried about our syllabus, at this rate we will never finish. Imagine, two weeks and we have not moved an inch cos the teacher was too incensed to continue and still they played and made noise!
Mrs Datta is very evil. Sure I may not get into trouble with her but she is really evil, when choosing assignments to take the marks for CA2 she took those work that FEW perople handed in and said it was thier fault that they didn't do their homework. I know you need to punish the slackers but this is too much... She is trying to make them FAIL! To fail CA2 will directly affect your final marks! This will ruin their entire year!
Im feeling odd again now. I was just looking through my first semester books and one of them was my CME bk 3A. In it there was a piece of paper on which you were supposed to write your assests down and people will write what they think your assets are. One of them wrote "I like your brain" this got me thinking. Am I just a giant brain? Is it the only thing worth bothering about me? Once again my value in the class is shaken. Im not as perfect as I seem. I sleep in class ALOT! When I say ALOT i mean ALOT too much in fact...
On one hand I am glad that I have been given another year to atone for my mistakes but yet I feel a deep pang of regret on not being able to take the Os with people I know well. When I expressed this to one of my clssmates he just freaked and asked me, " You mean we are not "sou" ah ?" This is a relly a difficulr question because in my answer I used the words "mo shen ren" meaning strangers... im sure he was put in a spot too, when can I stop fighting?
I hate this... my life in this school is one big maze, along the way I solve clues, along the way I fall into traps and sometimes... i meet other people and I don't know what to do, they are either already huddling together finding a way out or they are in small clusters making their way around confidently and there I stand looking alone, in the shadows. Even after I have stopped running, still i realised that i have run too far for anyone to catch up or even bother to see where ive gone... there there I go again.
Why?! Why am I subjected to this difference? What am I lacking? This is the question I constantly ask myself. Is it the money? I know I dont have dough to spread. OR is it the looks? Im overweight and my face looks like the side of the moon. I know Im not exactly easy on the eyes eh? Dressing maybe? But we are all in uniform... my speech? Or maybe it was a mistake to try in the first place... But I learnt for sure that EVERYONE needs friends and partners to survive and at this rate I wont be surviving much ^^
Trust me to laugh at this sort of time.. oh well I have 2.4 retest tommrrow morning and I seriously don't want to take it. What for? Ive already failed my NAFA anyway...
G'bye , Ja Ne , Syonara , Zai Jian
I Run, From Life, From People, From Hardships, From Problems, From Friends, From Familiar Faces, From Love, From Myself. For Running is easier than figuring out what else to do - solve problems it may not, but life will always have problems. Yet, I can't run forever. I have stopped running, why don't you?
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