Somone who loves

I've finally shifted. Feel a little guilty but glad that for now, I feel safe. For now. I feel rather ambivalent now. After last night's sharing, really. We ask you, if you loved someone, what would you do? The general answer was "I'd make them happy", but all I can think of was "I'd make sure they aren't sad". But then now, what am I to do if the way to make the person I love happy is to not love them.

I see you there, and I can't speak. Not a word. Please leave now, go and die somewhere and never appear before my eyes again. Before I go somewhere and die so I'll never have to face looking at you again.

Picked up a book at the library today, about an 18 year old Israeli girl telling her life story of "finishing her exams, breaking up with her boyfriend and then leaves home to take up her national service with the Israeli army" as the book put it. And I am comforted (and in certain ways rather worried) about the vast similarities between the Israeli system and Singapore's National Service from the viewpoint of a highly intellectual, sensitive and very real girl who has been snatched from the arms of a loving home and pool of friends into a world of unfamiliarity as adolescence and adulthood seemingly battle their way out in her through the highly pressurized teaching and exams, crushingly strict routines, lack of sleep and poor food. I can totally relate to the first few chapters (of course, without the part about breaking up with her boyfriend and having great friends) The anxiety, the panic and concern she experienced, so clearly reenacted out in a ply of words.

I wonder, if anyone will throw me a surprise party the day before I leave for Tekong.

Quote of e Post:
They choose what you do and where you belong, you'll be one amongst others, you'll be one tiny part of Tsahal SAF.