I've just looked through my past posts on this blog and I've realized that I'm back where I was 3 years ago. More or less, except this time, the major differences are the players and my ability to change. Its funny then, and depressing to see this work in progress on hold for so long. And while I've stood still, and maybe even taken a few steps backwards- looking at the new people I've met in this time and the growth they've accomplished. I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong -again-.
When you think about NS, it really does feel as though your days are being numbered. Nothing can be done to avoid it and even if you delay it, its inevitable. Gosh the horror. All the second hand experiences in the world wont be able to prepare one for what is to come. And thats the worst part of it, you just cannot get ready enough for what you do not know. In that aspect alone, even NS is worse then A-levels.
I don't want to get my preliminary exam results back. Seriously. Its going to be so bad and as a reflection of my A-level results to come, I just may have to go to Polytechnic after army, just like Chelmin's classmate. By then, everyone would have moved on, to other higher levels of education or even joining the workforce and I- would be left behind again. Maybe, perhaps, in a weird twisted way, I want this? No more accurately, this scenario is playing itself out due to my subconscious manipulations which manifests itself as behavior that will most likely result in this ending. Its like a fear turned self-fulfilling prophecy. Question now is, with 30 days on the clock, can I beat it back? I reckon this is the only reason why I can't be motivated because subconsciously I do not want to be motivated and thus do not allow myself to become so. Messy messy messy.
I have no more reasons or excuses to give myself. This is just pathetic.
Quote of the Post:
Not poppy, nor mandragora,
Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world,
Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep
Which thou owedst yesterday.
No comments:
Post a Comment