I'm here waiting for you

OLIVIA inspi' REIRA (TRAPNEST) - A little pain
Travel to the moon
Kimi wa nemuri yume wo toku
Dare mo inai Hoshi no hikari ayatsurinagara
Travel to the moon
You're sleeping, solving a dream
while the light of the deserted star pulls the [puppet strings]

Tsuyoku naru tame Wasureta egao
kitto futari nara torimodosu
I forgot to smile in order to be strong
I'm sure that if we're together, I can get it back

*
Kidzuite
I'm here waiting for you
Ima to wa chigau mirai ga attemo
I'm here waiting for you
Sakebitsudzukete
Kitto kokoro wa Tsunagu ito wo tagutteru
Ano koro no watashi me wo samasu you ni
No need to cry
Realize that
I'm here waiting for you
Even if the future is different from now
I'm here waiting for you
continuing to shout
Surely my heart is reeling in the string that connects us
No need to cry
In order to wake me up that time

Travel in silence
Te wo nobaseba Fureru noni
Kimi wa tooi
Sore wa omoide no naka no koto
Travel in silence
When I stretch my hand out, I feel you, but
You're far away
It's within my memories

Koe ga kikoeru Me wo tojireba
Chiisana itami sae itoshikute
When I close my eyes, I can hear your voice
Even the small ache is dear to me

Mitsumete
I'm here waiting for you
Kaze ni fukare hitori mayottemo
I'm here waiting for you
Sora wo miagete
Zutto kokoro wa Te wo hirogete mamotteru
Ano koro no kimi ga furikaeru made
No need to cry
Look at me
I'm here waiting for you
Even if I'm lost all alone with the wind blowing on me
I'm here waiting for you
My heart is protecting you all the time, my hands spread out
No need to cry
Until your former self turns back

(Feel something Feel nothing Listen closely Listen closely)
Wide open ears
Disarm the dream tickler
In the constant moment
(You will find me Where it's quiet Listen closely Listen closely)
Let the blood flow
Through all the spaces
Of the universe

* repeat
----------------------------------------

Lovely song <3 Even if this show wasn't great, the music would have been enough for me to love it. I don't understand, what made me watch this anyway. This show contains no explosions, no robots, too true to life, introspective depressing themes and very sad pitiful characters. Oh yea, its because senpai introduced it to me. Ought I watch the movies? I heard its not as good as the animation though. Today's paper was fun. I really enjoyed myself. At this rate, I just might get into university.

*Edit* Even though I know its probably no big deal and nothing personal, why does that absence cause such a cavernous vacancy...

Quote of e Post: The suite room is reserved for only the first and the last times.

A Little Pain

I was surfing around for some ideas on how to cram math in like one week (I know I know...) when I suddenly got inspiration/motivation etc- to watch NANA. Even though I knew from first look that the manga art really turned me off, perhaps the animation is better. And it was.

Deviation aside is... you know you're in trouble when the characters in an anime suddenly live more normal lives then you do. *_* U_U >_< !_! Hey... there aren't any good symbols to represent a proper crying face...

Even though I've only watched a few episodes, its more or less the most real to life series I've watched. Maybe I will go on the 24th after all. Just maybe.

Quote of e Post:
Travel to the moon, you sleep and your dreams unravel
Darling, I'm out here tending your precious light without you

Minor Edit

For those of you who actually read this page. I'm sure you're as sick as I am of the many times there's no background when imgshack decides it needs to hangover so I spent some time fixing it up on my own. Didn't take too long (ought to have done it long ago).

Good Job. Damn, I need to study.

Masquerade x Destiny

Masquerade
Vocals: Hitomi
Lyrics: Kuroishi Hitomi
Composition: Kuroishi Hitomi

Kokoro ni kagi o kaketa mama
Tsumetai taido de kamen o mi ni tsukeru
Dare ga boku no sugao
Shitte iru darou? Kimi no hoka ni wa
> While my heart is still locked
> With a cold attitude, I don a mask on my body
> Who knows
> My true face? Besides you

Jibun no yowasa mo tsuyosa mo
Sarakedashitai nante ichido mo omowazu ni
Namida kakushite kita
Hontou no kao o miserareru hito
> Without ever giving a thought about exposing
> My own weaknesses and strengths
> I hid my tears
> From people who could show their true faces

Sagashitsuzuketeta kimi o ushinaenai
> I can't lose you, who I kept searching for

You’re My Destiny
Shinjite mitai
Eien no imi wa mada wakaranai kedo
You’re My Destiny
Ashita no yume o
Tsuzureba sore ga unmei ni kawaru
Say you’ll share with me one love
You’re My Destiny
> I want to try and believe
> I still don’t understand the meaning of eternity
> But You’re My Destiny
> If I compose tomorrow’s dream
> Then it’ll become my destiny
> Say you’ll share with me one love

Kono te ni tsukamitoru tame ni
Heiki de kizutsukete koko made ikite kita
Dakedo kodoku dake ga
Kono boku no te ni nokosareta mono
> In order to grasp it into my hands
> I calmly hurt others and lived to this point
> But loneliness
> Was the only thing left in the hands of this me

Nani mo nozomanai kimi ga soba ni ireba
> I won’t desire anything if you’re by my side

You’re My Destiny
Kokoro o akete
Uchiaketai yuzurenai omoi o
You’re My Destiny
Kanjiru kizuna
Futari no deai unmei nanda to
Say you’ll share with me one love
> You’re My Destiny
> Open your heart
> I want to confess my unyielding thoughts
> You’re My Destiny
> The bond that I feel
> Is the destiny of our meeting
> Say you’ll share with me one love

You’re My Destiny
Shinjite mitai…
You’re My Destiny
Ashita no yume o…
> You’re My Destiny
> I want to try and believe…
> You’re My Destiny
> In tomorrow’s dream…

You’re My Destiny
Kokoro o akete
Uchiaketai yuzurenai omoi o
You’re My Destiny
Kanjiru kizuna
Futari no deai unmei nanda to
Say you’ll share with me one love
> You’re My Destiny
> Open your heart
> I want to confess my unyielding thoughts
> You’re My Destiny
> The bond that I feel
> Is the destiny of our meeting
> Say you’ll share with me one love
-----------------------------------------------------

Code Geass and Death Note are awesome because of their main characters who are smart, cool, calculated and manage to toggle their double lives well enough to rise to positions or great power and influence. Who cares if they got found out or died in the end. The process is admirable. They went out with a bang, and made a mark on the world. If blood has to flow for dreams to realize, then let it flow. One cannot progress being altruistic. Justice is dead, it never lived.

Hate me, give me a reason to hate you as much as I do to justify my feelings. Do something, anything. Love and hate are the two strongest feelings. I never knew one so I can settle fully for the other. Where is your god now?

Feelings are such unreliable things. It produces no tangible results, rising and fading without reason. Just a chemical reaction in the mind and an appropriate physical reaction as a result from signals from your brain. You can fool it with drugs, you can emulate it with a computer, feelings aren't anything special or exclusive. Even plants and animals have them. They can be buried with conditioning and ignored with practice. Yet, still hardly anyone chooses to throw them away. I know this, but I can't either.

Crap, I forgot what I was going to write about. And I was so passionate about it just a few hours ago too. Oh wells. 4 more days to A-levels, wonderful, its makes my hands itch.

Quote of e Post:
-dont touch me-

Bitter Virgin

Its not all not not about me. I've just been reading.

People use love to project their dreams on others. Because all they've fallen in love with is an idea. The only thing one can truly love is that which they have themselves created to be perfect in their eyes.

To be in love is supposed to be the happiest time in one's life. But its existence is premonition of a vacuum that will be left. When one day that initial loving attraction dies all that's left will be disappointment and acceptance.

Don't you see, love creates an incredible amount of happiness; but because of that people are blinded by love.

People use love to project their dreams on others. Its such a farce, don't you think? Love isn't supposed to be selfish but it is. Love is respecting who the other person is, but this isn't it at all.

Have you ever loved someone whole-heartedly? How are we supposed to understand things like that.

Do you understand what it takes for someone to put together their feelings? || If we cant reply to that person's feelings why should we bother accepting it in the first place. || Its not going to lead anywhere. || Its only your opinion that it isn't leading anywhere || Why do you keep silent in a situation like this? Why wont you confess? So what if she's engaged, steal her away from him!

You can easily say that because you're commenting on other people's situation.

That kind of love will never work out.

We cant meet anymore.

Running away has never solved anything. But its easier then figuring out what to do.

Is that what is... how terrible! Are you serious? You're old enough to know better! What is this? Thats the worst kind of -. Thats disgusting.

The feeling is self evident.

What was it that i was looking forward to?
How long will I feel so incomplete, putting on a miserable face and taking those near to me for granted?

I shouldn't read seinen so much. Shounen stuff is far less complicating.

Quote of e Post:
True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Im such a /b/tard

Its ironic, when life and the people you know are going totally crazy, one can find sanity in the refuge of one of the most insane cesspools of the internet. Once an anonymous, always an anonymous.

I see what you did there.
Once you see it, you'll shat bricks. Pic related.



Quote of the Post:
man i remember in like second grade the teaxcher asked what 2-3 was
and someone was like "you can't do that"
and she was all "right you can't
and i was like "nooo, NEGATIVE NUMBERS"
and she ignored me
bitch

These Mysteries

Mug Mug Mug. Huh? No its not my ceramic cup collection nor is it a violent act of robbery, its colloquial for studying.

Its been days, weeks, months, years since I started this blog. And every single post (well almost) hasn't been quite serious enough. (even the serious ones are mixed in with madness) Not that its a bad thing really. I'm not the serious kind of person until I'm dead serious. Then nothings funny~ but where's the fun in that?

Time flies when you're "having fun"

I'm just trying to be happy here alright, but life just never lets things go that way. Yea I really don't know any of you, do I?

Just go then. Dump the legacy. Live you drama filled life. Be as volatile as you like, its only your time and your life. Its not like I needed to know any more then those who were "important to you". Maybe I don't need to know you after all~

Quote of e Post:
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries

What Is Gar?

I guess the constant rains have been keeping everybody down. But its alright now, I know it :)

Happy Birthday Fides! (one day late) Though I don't think you know my blog haha :P

Going for the sexuality talk by Ps Peter Chng soon-da. Will blog more when I return-da. xD

/r/equesting all opinions on the Motorola W220, in return I give you delicious cake... in bed xD




LoL. Cram math is cram. See the snorlax? I wuv mai snorlax xD Oh gosh~ I'm getting high on nothing haha. Raw Raw Fight the power. Finally I'll explain haha.



Rap is a Devil of a Man! Perk Up Your Earholes and Listen REAL Close to the Theme of Lord Kamina, the Man of Raging Billows Who Believes in Himself and Points to Heaven!!
-Hook
Do the impossible
See the invisible
Raw! Raw!
Fight the power!

Touch the untouchable
Break the unbreakable
Raw! Raw!
Fight the power!

What you gonna do is what you wanna do
Just break the rules, then you see the truth
This is the theme of "G" coming through baby!
Raw! Raw!
Fight the power!

-Verse1
Power to the peeps, power for the dream
Still missing piece scattering, so incomplete
We be the most incredible soldier from underground
See how easy, they all fall down
Digging to the core to see the light
Let's get out of here babe, that's the way to survive
Top of the head, I'm on the set
Do the impossible, don't you wanna bet?
Cuz, a lot of things changed, we be waiting in vain

If you wanna get by, no pain no gain
Wow! fakers wanna test me again
Sorry, my rhyme's gonna snatch your brain
We gonna make it happen with the crazy rap
We gonna make it happen with the crazy rap skill
Get ready to rumble, now is the time
If you don't know, now you know

(Good luck fellows! Ha Ha)

-Hook

-Verse2
2nd verse dedicates to the real peeps
What we got to say is so real thing
Cuz, revolution ain't never gonna televise
Kicking the mad flow, microphone phenotype
Open your third eye, seeing through the overground
I'm about to hit you with the scream from the underground
Whole city is covered with the cyber flavor
"G" is in your area, one of the toughest enigma

-Hook
----------------------------------------------------------

Yea that whole long thing on top is the title xD And "G" obviously stands for GAR, not gay >.> For those who don't know what GAR is, for once wiki fails. GAR is totally not an alligator thing~

GAR, also spelt Gar or gar, is a term used to describe a character that is the epitome of what it means to be manly and badass. Derived from the Roman concept glorifying men who strive for a life of courage, self-sacrifice, overcoming the impossible and honoring those who die a worthy death. + Individuals of this standard are as rare as they are awesome, emotionally overwhelming those watching to the point of orgasming in surprise and excitement or sobbing uncontrollably in a flush of admiration.

Okay, the last part may be a little exaggerated (me, me, me!) but now we all know. LETS SPREAD THE GAR-NESS! We just wanna be big Gar-stars xD

Quote of e Post:
In the key of F-da

Raw Raw Fight the Powaa

I've been trying to put up a new post for the past two days but every-single-night I open up this window it stay empty for hours. Haha.

I'm hyped, but then- why is everyone so down? Lets see *flips through blogs* angsty, emo, depressed, emo, more emo- this blog has been closed down.. dang... *closes windows* Yea, I hope it does not get on me, but you know what I think? I'M TOO "BURNING" TO BE DOWN NOW! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!?

[LOL it happened again, this page has been at this state for at least 4 hours lol]

Pfft~ so much for cheering other people up. Oh well. Raw Raw Fight the Powaa.

I can't stand it anymore. Witness the birth of GAR.



Brother is dead, he isn't here any longer
however, on my back, and within my heart, he continues to live on

Digging a hole to pierce the heavens!
Even if that hole becomes my grave
As long as I break through, its my victory!

Who the hell do you think I am?
I'm Simon
Not my bro, Kamina
I am myself! Simon the Digger!!
------------------------------------------

Fukken Epic Win. I can so relate. It's been hard finding a way to say this but~ This is my speech, this- is- my- victory~!! Thanks Edina.

The Other Me is DEAD! He isn't here any longer!
However, on my back and in my heart I'll continue to live on!
Digging a hole to pierce the heavens!
Even if that hole becomes my grave
As long as I break through, it is my victory!
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?
I AM CHANG XIANG!
Not my persona, Faust
I AM MYSELF! LOH CHANG XIANG THE HUMAN!

Fight! Persevere! Face Reality! No matter how bleak life looks! For those taking exams, Its not over till its over! For those who think they're lives are screwed up- There will always be a way as long as you keep walking! For those who think they're not good enough~ BELIEVE! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! NOT YOU, WHO BELIEVES IN ME. NOT ME, WHO BELIEVES IN YOU. BUT YOU! WHO BELIEVES IN YOURSELF!!

LETS GO PEOPLE! WHEN WE'RE ALL TOGETHER, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF! TARGET SET~ LETS GO! TOWARDS THE FINAL BATTLE!

POWAAAAAA!!

Quote of e Post:
Do I still really need to put anything else down here? xD

Birthday

Its shaky but you can't tell like this haha. I love my cell <3


Dinner with the ERs, mmmm crabs :D (lol why matthew so sian)


Tsk, the Chef was in on the secret too! haha.


Shared cake :3 Delish mango cake.

Haha, just came back from dinner with my fellow ERs, gosh I LOVE them haha. Its hard not to really. Kinda happy now heehee. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONRAD! And my mom got me a new wallet but its one of those kind of canvas like with Velcro? But its alright, I guess it's the thought that counts (looks longingly at an imaginary DS)

I lost my keys while I was out today :( bad way to end my day. Equivalent trade, always works.

So I have my license in hand, but what for?

I'll miss school.

Quote of e Post:
I can lay my saber down today

How Far We've Come

As Graduation approaches and many other things are ending at the same time I figured it would be a good time to share a new song, and it really is new this time round. Enjoy.



Matchbox Twenty - How Far We've Come
Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But its feeling just like every morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if its gone,
The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour if that
I started staring at the passengers waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time

[chorus]
But I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

Well I, believe, its all, coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

I think its turning to a crock but I don't really know
I can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but theres no where to run to
I sat down on the street and took a look at myself
Said where you going man you know the world is heading for hell
Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

[chorus]
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

Its gone gone baby its all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
It was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
Well its gone gone baby its all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
Well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you

[chorus]
I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
... to end
---------------------------

So at the end of Army, at the end of JC, at the end of life as we have comfortable known it. How far have we come?

Quote of e Post:
Hey, haven’t you seen another shape besides this one? That’s so sad
To you, there’s no desire to die or to kill, oh, please

Life Soundtrack

Taken from Elhannah =) One more place for you to search your name out! Haha.

If Your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp and WMP... ill just do all haha)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing(don't cheat!)
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Waking Up:
Lord of the Speed [Rider Chips]
Koi no Tenshi Mai Orite [Love Hina]
Omokage (Reminiscent) [Hayashibara Megumi]

First Day At School:
Li Xiang Qing Ren [Rainie Yang Cheng Ning]
Pride [High and Mighty Color]
I am [Hitomi]

Falling in Love:
We Are [Do as Infinity]
Zhong Guo Hua [SHE]
Yue Ding [Guang Liang]

Fight Song:
Final Fantasy VIII theme: Eyes on You
Chain [BACK-ON]
Made Me Glad [Hillsongs]

Breaking Up:
Trust [Okui Masami]
Colors [FLOW]
Freedom [Toshihiki Seki]

Prom:
Follow [Michael Battersby]
Now That You're Near [Hillsongs]
Kanashimi wo Yasashisa Ni [Little by Little]

Life:
Chuang Wai [Jacky Wu]
One Star [Yousuke Itou]
The Nicest Kids in Town [Hairspray Soundtrack]

Mental Breakdown:
The Star Spangled Banner (HAHA! Oh yea, America will drive me mad)
Levan Polkka [Louituma]
Fly [Hillary Duff]

Driving:
Out of my Head [Fastball]
The Fourth Ave Cafe [L'Arc~en~Ciel]
Double Action [Takeru Satoh]

Flashback:
Inori~You Raise me Up [Lena Park]
Still Time [Hidenori Tokuyama]
Your Name [Paul Baloche]

Getting Back Together:
Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet [Relient K] (So fitting haha)
In too deep [Sum 41]
LIFE [Yui]

Wedding:
Never Again [Kelly Clarkson] (Ohh kay...)
Fire!! [Kouji Wada]
True Colors [Cyndi Lauper]

Birth of a Child:
Trust You Forever [Ushima Hitofumi]
Here I am [Planet Shakers]
Fen Shou Kuai Le [Liang Jing Ru]

Final Battle:
Guess I'm Doing Fine [Beck]
Rocks [Hound Dog]
All Alone [Tamaki Nami]

Death Scene:
Hikari (Light) [Utada Hikaru]
Yozora no Mukou (Beyond the Night Sky) [SMAP]
Taiyou (Sun) [Bite the Lung]

Funeral Scene:
Someday [Nickelback]
Anata to Ireba (If I'm with you) [Tange Sakura, Iwao Junko]
Spicy Love [Mejare Pirates]

End Credits:
Addicted to You [Utada Hikaru]
One Winged Angel [FF VII]
Free Will [Ruppina]

Without any surprises, Winamp gives me the most logical results once again. I really love some of those :) Windows Media Player gave the worst results but despite which player I used, they ALL gave satisfactory answers for the question on what would give me a mental breakdown! Haha.

I remember doing one of these before and the answers were freaking eerily accurate. Winamp of course :)

Well, you can copy and do it on your blog. How will your soundtrack turn out?

Southern Cross

Damn irritated now. My parents are mental. And I'm hungry. And tired.

My father first thought it was some genius idea to drag us out in the morning for a health test thing that tells you your body age, body fat and blah blah. That took like the entire morning and after eating lunch at about 12pm they dropped me and my sis home at about 3.30pm. That when it all went downhill and my mom went to Ikea to go look for furniture, until what? 10pm!! And here we were, starving and put off food by the stupid test in the morning (I don't need some mo+fu machine to tell me I'm unhealthy you jackass). When they came back guess what? Each thought the other had bought food so my sis ended up eating instant noodles (healthy eating my ass)

Me? Disgruntled as I already was, I have totally no mood for eating, much less eat some MSG laden vile tasting noodles. Oh and to add injury to insult, she bought NOTHING from Ikea. She just wanted to look around. WTF.

Another reason I'm irritated, I got my letter for NS right? So I'm going in on the 6th. I end As on the 23rd and I have prom on say the 27th. Thus my mom is pissed cos now we she can't go on "that wonderful holiday in Europe before army". She even wanted to put something on the week BEFORE As because theres no time. And she keeps bugging my asking where do I want to go for a holiday. Like wth is wrong with your brain? I don't HAVE TO and at this juncture I DON'T WANT TO. Maybe not being at home would be a GOOD THING~ I really don't think I'll miss my family when I'm gone. Think of it as an extended training camp. Yea, which pays you. Not bad imo.

I WANNA KICK SOME ASS AND EAT SOME UNHEALTHY BUT DELICIOUS FOOD!! BOO

<3 Southern Cross 403

Quote of e Post:
The Southern cross is twinkling and watching us.
Far beyond, so far away from us.

Fight the Break of Dawn

I got my NS enlistment letter today (for those who still don't know) and I'm slated to go in on the 6th of December. So come the 6th I'll no longer be a free man. Its pretty hard to grasp such a concept, that for two years, everything you do will be dictated and observed. You'll lose your individuality and your right to exercise free speech and will. You will no longer be able to live a normal life without the constant knowledge and reality of training nagging at the back of your mind, ingrained through rigorous repetition. And you will be bound by those shackles of duty for at best 10 years, at worse, till the age of 40.

Time is a terrible teacher. And an even worse doctor. I got over you.



Eagle-Eye Cherry - [Save Tonight]
Go on and close the curtains
All we need is candlelight
You and me and a bottle of wine
Going to hold you tonight

We know I'm going away
How I wish...wish it weren't so
Take this wine & drink with me
Let's delay our misery

Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone

There's a log on the fire
And it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
To take me away...it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
Darling please don't start cry
'Cause girl you know I've got to go
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone

Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I...that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
And fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
Tomorrow I'll be gone...
------------------------------------------

"Tomorrow" I'll be gone. And the person whom you once knew, who loved you futilely will no longer be.

Rebirth through self-destruction. Maybe Plath, mad as she may have been in her final hours, might have gleaned an insight sanity has denied us all. Fides Spes Caritas.

Quote of e Post:
Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I... that I could stay

Over You

Last six days of school. I'm going to miss being a student for those two years in the military.

Kind of pointless going for consultation if you didn't study at all the teacher does not know how to help you. I guess its about time to get down to actually doing something. 25 days.

Lovely song. I didn't want to put the actual MV cos I didn't really like the content on it. So here's the song WITHOUT the video. Yea, you can stare at his face for 3min+



Chris Daughtry - Over You
Now that it`s all said and done
I can`t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I felt as if I was in way to deep
Guess I let you get the best of me

[Chorus]
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I`d doubt you
I`m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I`m slowly getting closure
I guess it`s really over
I`m finally getting better
Now I`m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
Cause the day I thought I`d never get through
I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me

[Chorus]

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I`d doubt you
I`m better off without you

And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I`m finally getting better
Now I`m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you
And I got over you
And I got over you

The day I thought I`d never get through
I got over you
--------------------------------------------------

See the happy moron,
He doesn't give a damn.
I wish I were a moron,
Oh God, perhaps I am.

Its been (somewhat) a fun two years, and even though graduation isn't even here yet. And there's still prom and A levels itself, my jc journey seems just about over. There were pockets of regret and rejoicing here and there. Drama, action and effort aplenty. For one year and ten months~

Nevar Forget

Quote of e Post:
I`m slowly getting closure
I guess it`s really over
I`m finally getting better

Rockstars

I’m blogging from school, not really blogging blogging, since the school banned blogger- so I’m just typing this out in word and saving it on my PSP until I get home. I’ve got about half an hour until my next uhhh engagement (It’s about 1:30pm now) and as per usual we all have tons to do but hardly feel like touching any of it.

Results for prelims are almost all in. And it is dismal. Dystopian even, if we take a closer look at it. Let’s just have the rundown and ignore the pleasantries.

History: S (A slight improvement, considering I did one qn that wasn’t taught)
Econs: U (A major disappointment, like how badly can one misinterpret?)
Lit: E (No surprises here, wasn’t expecting much either)
Math: U (Once again, no surprises)
GP: C (THIS is the killer)

Like WHAT? C for GP? That was like my only saving grace right out the window. Paper 2 surprisingly wasn’t the mortal blow but the real one-two came from paper 1. I went totally off tangent and neglected to argue out the essay like an essay. Question was “Singaporean youths of today are not ready for the real world” and you, my valuable readers, knowing me~ will have deduced that I had a field day engaging in one of my most passionate rants. Completely defunct of analysis or substantiated reasoning, thus a failing content grade. Add it all up and I get a poor C. Not even a high C but a low C. If I had wanted to cry, those tears had dried up hours ago even before they left their shell. *wiffle*

This brings you up to speed with my poor mood and extinguished enthusiasm for life.

Found this song via radio. It’s just very amusing to me- go watch the MV, and then you’ll understand. (Clarifier, I’m in no way advocating such a lifestyle nor do I endorse such a dream)

Nickelback – [[Rockstar]]

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
-----------------------------------------------------

Doesn’t quite glorify rock stars the way it seems to ne? <3

Chest physically tangibly aching and hurting.

Quote of e Post:
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame...

Flashback 2nd Raid

I've just looked through my past posts on this blog and I've realized that I'm back where I was 3 years ago. More or less, except this time, the major differences are the players and my ability to change. Its funny then, and depressing to see this work in progress on hold for so long. And while I've stood still, and maybe even taken a few steps backwards- looking at the new people I've met in this time and the growth they've accomplished. I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong -again-.

When you think about NS, it really does feel as though your days are being numbered. Nothing can be done to avoid it and even if you delay it, its inevitable. Gosh the horror. All the second hand experiences in the world wont be able to prepare one for what is to come. And thats the worst part of it, you just cannot get ready enough for what you do not know. In that aspect alone, even NS is worse then A-levels.

I don't want to get my preliminary exam results back. Seriously. Its going to be so bad and as a reflection of my A-level results to come, I just may have to go to Polytechnic after army, just like Chelmin's classmate. By then, everyone would have moved on, to other higher levels of education or even joining the workforce and I- would be left behind again. Maybe, perhaps, in a weird twisted way, I want this? No more accurately, this scenario is playing itself out due to my subconscious manipulations which manifests itself as behavior that will most likely result in this ending. Its like a fear turned self-fulfilling prophecy. Question now is, with 30 days on the clock, can I beat it back? I reckon this is the only reason why I can't be motivated because subconsciously I do not want to be motivated and thus do not allow myself to become so. Messy messy messy.

I have no more reasons or excuses to give myself. This is just pathetic.

Quote of the Post:
Not poppy, nor mandragora,
Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world,
Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep
Which thou owedst yesterday.