Happy Birthday to me

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to...
Me *weeps*

I don't need anything that anyone could give. There is nothing that money can buy. Just another day, nothing is different, im at work even. So tell me why it breaks me up inside. I'm still coming to terms with the fact my teenage life has past me by- it ended when I turned 20. It's been one year, and in my heart and soul I know that I'm still in stasis. My time has ceased flowing since it all began. All the anomalies have twisted, fusing this and that until nothing is clear any longer- when did the blight begin, when did the nomalcy even end?

I fall on my knees
- Lord I know there MUST be more

Is this the frustration Solomon felt? Vanity, vanity, all is mere vanity. That all the world has to offer is so worthless, so futile, that there is no value in all that we build in life save for relationships, with other people, with God. Not even wisdom, or skill. Not triumph nor discovery- not happiness or pleasure. Nothing. And on that front I am poorer then poor. Is it over- the inertia of my lifestyle up till now pulling me along into the pit I can see but cannot avoid.

What then is hope but to start anew. Go somewhere where no one knows who I am, forge a new identity from scratch and never let those two worlds collide. But I lack the courage to cut all ties with everyone I know and become a nobody once more.

Truly now we can say: I have nothing

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