Feel Like...

Ooh I'm scared now oh yes I am! Bummer, I guess I really did forget to do my assignment =/ and putting that aside, the warning given on aspire was only up when my com was down and dead- meaning, I didn't get it! Not till like 3 days after the deadline or something. Boo BOO!

Despite it being the middle of the holidays, and it FINALLY really being a holiday, a public holiday at that. Must be the music im listening to (Casshern Official OST - Borderline), it sounds pretty sad to me. And all of a sudden, I am reminded of the little prince. Oh how little we knew back then and how happy we were. But only now when we know more can we understand more fully the beauty of that simple thin novel.
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"People where you live," the little prince said, "grow five thousand roses in one garden... yet they don't find what they're looking for..."

"They don't find it," I answered.

"And yet what they're looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water..."

"Of course," I answered. <

And the little prince added, "But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart."
-------------------------------

"You're lovely, but you're empty," he went on. "One couldn't die for you. Of course an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than you altogether, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except for two or three for butterflies). Since's she the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose."
______________________________________________________________

Ahh... sweet melancholy. Gtg now, been forced out for lunch.

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Feel like you've lost before

Pizza

Im blogging from school since my computer down again, somehow a virus seems to have wrecked some important settings on my computer so I cant access Windows. Even the "omnipotent" technical expert powerhouse failed to find a plausible answer to the problem in one sitting. Im vascillating between wishing in all the world that I could keep all my research data from the dying hardisk and giving it up for the chance that I might be able to regain use of my computer. Currently it has no sound drivers, no network drivers, cant access the internet and cant play any videos without the proper codecs in place. I hope he comes back with a suitable solution to this sticky problem. Im tearing my hair out over this.

Day one of holiday lessons over. Lit is still fun, although my only complaint is that my legs are dying from having to stay crossed for 2 hours but like I said. It isnt a chore if you can derive pleasure from it. Situation seems normal, no abnormal activity noticed- with only 2 more weeks of lessons before the mid years I wonder why the madness has yet begun.

Code Geass makes me want to eat pizza. PIZZA!!! From PIZZA HUT-- They sure milked their spondership for this show for all its worth. Not a single episode to date has no shown a single slice of pizza. Mmmm.. pizza ... chewey, cheezy, warm, wholesome pizza with chunks of juicy meat (seafood if possible but not tuna please) and Cheeze-kun please! :3

PS. Cheeze-kun is the doll :P

Hungry hungry hungry hungry... :( [its like 1:15pm now...] I dont want to go home- the com is spoilt. If it were totally un-usable id be resigned to my fate but now that it is partially operational... wuwu... its taunting me!!! RAWR

PS. SINGAPORE PIZZA HUT SUCKS!! :( They make bunny cry.

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Now repeat after me, Id like to order one large pizza

Starlight

Ooh, Im so sorry, seem to have neglected this blog in the light of my new hobby. Its ok, Im back, everything will be alright now.

Life is such a funny little thing. Sometimes it props, and sometimes i flops. And the change can be as sudden as it is drastic-- and we will be the ones left in the aftermath wondering which tornado just flew by, tossing us wildly as it passed without us noticing.

Mid years are really so near, only 3 days to GP and Lit paper1, hooray~ Im "preparing" haha. Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Alright, maybe not at this very moment and no academically but im uhh prepared by de-stressing haha. Not that Im TERRIBLY stressed up.

To quote someone, "Im not good, thats why I try, try, try again and fail. And try some more." I dont know if where Im at it applies, simply because you dont have that many chances to try. Failing in Singapore isnt a death sentence but it sure lowers your opportunities to do anything that might be seen as constructive to society at all. Sure you might have to crack a little elbow grease and bend a few backs to get there but it sure beats living on welfare and guzzling beer aimlessly... (although there seem to be some insane people in the world who think that is the perfect way to spend waste their life)

Look at the stars in the sky... how pretty they are... how delicate and beautiful yet transcient. Every pin prick we see up there is the light of a long dead star, who's journey to tease our eyes has cost it it's life. Ony humans can be sad amongst such beautiful works of nature- only humans bother tothink that much.

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Humans are made so cheaply~

Honey and Clover

Its like a miracle I found this show. It speaks for itself, and me...

I really ought to go on a journey of self discovery. But Singapore is too small and you cannot just drop everything and go on a trip to nowhere just to be by yourself and think. Its not something you can do, the level of responsiblity is overwhelming.

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Lets go home

To where you, and I... and everyone belongs

ONE WORLD

*Blubbers*

Kikkawa KOji - ONE WORLD
Arukitsukareta boroboro no boots
Zetsubou no hate wo fumishimete iru
Hitomi wo tojireba kasuka ni ukabu kimi no egao
> My boots are worn from all the walking
> I'm on the brink of despair
> I close my eyes, and your face appears, so faintly

Futari hashaida yuugure no umi
Shizumu taiyou ni dakiyoseta kata
Sonna arifureta nodoka na nichijou koso ga shiawase na n' da
> We used to run on the beach
> Then have our arms around each other as we watch the sunset
> Such calm, ordinary days are what makes me happy

[Chorus]
Ame ni utare kaze de nagasare kizutsuite mo
Mamoritai ai ga aru
Daijoubu sa Ore wa itsumo soba ni iru yo
Donna ni hanarete ite mo futari wa ONE WORLD
> Storms may come, the wind may hurl me about, and I may be hurt
> Even then, I wish to keep this love of mine
> It's gonna be alright, I'll be always by your side
> No matter how far apart we are, we share ONE WORLD

Kaban ippai ni tsumekonda yume
Michi ni kuchihatete nakusanu you ni
Yakusoku wo shiyou chiisa na kimi no sono te wo dakishimeru tame ni
> I stuff my bag with dreams
> Promising that they won't just rot along the way
> So that I can hold onto your hand

Unmei ni somuki haruka toki wo koe samayotte mo
Modoritai basho ga aru
Kono hiroi uchuu no naka hanasanai yo
Chippoke da keredo zutto futari wa ONE WORLD
> Even if I turn my back to destiny, over great distances, going to a distant time
> There is a place I want to come home to
> I'll never leave this place for anything in the entire universe
> It may be small, but we share ONE WORLD

[Chorus]
---------------------------------------------------

I guess its not always the words or the singer in songs, but I want to be able to feel the deperation, the draining quality in the voice giving life to the song that makes it special to me. Its a feeling of hearing the singer expressing the song in tone, articulation. I see why the japanese enjoy using english in their songs-

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It was like a waltz, mysterious
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams
While they spun around as if waltzing
They were expressing something

Hollow

Hooray! Blogger is back to its full functional goodness :)

I have no idea what to carry on from here wow, its been at least 4 hours since i opened this page.

Maybe next time... im feeling hollow now.

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Change to new form
Time to cast off

Not a day goes by

Hey, I figured despite the ridiculous mess that is my blogger post page, it might still work. Especially after talking to weixin who seems to have the same problem. So im trying now, if you're reading this - it has clearly succeeded. Im not going to post a song today however much I'd love to.

Common test 2 results arent spectacular, but its been an improvement since the first common test. That much I have to thank God for. Assuming an increasing rate of improvement by mid-years I just might be able to pass everything decently.

I did a terrible thing on Thursday. I haven't come so close to losing my temper in years- but its really sickening. Im so tired of this. You're such a big hypocrite just that you cant see what you're doing. How can you claim to love God if you hate your parents?? How can you criticize people for being rude when you're almost no better? How can you be so unsympathetic when you complain that other people arent thoughtful? How can anyone stand being criticized by somone who just wont listen to other's criticizm?? I have my way of doing things and you have yours- and even though sometimes my ways are wrong I cant appreciate being lectured by a less then higher authority. My mouth is dry, clotty and bitter- even the clear waters are embitterned on my tongue.

Mother's day is here! Combined service in the morning, as for what comes after, we'll see tomorrow (or later if u want to be picky).

Im happy. I havent been happier in months. Thank you Lord.

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If you asked me how im doing, Id say just fine
But the truth is baby if you could read my mind

Out of my Head

Fastball - Out of my head

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

[Chorus:]
Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never meant to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

[Chorus]
[Repeat Chorus]
---------------------------------------------

You know Ive been looking for this song for 6 years? Its like finding a long lost friend.

And after six years, it stil holds true.

I hope the blogger problem at home fixes itself soon.

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You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say

Its not over

Chris Daughtery - Its not over

I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything
And I can't deal with that.

I try to see the good in life.
But good things in life are hard to find.
I'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?

(well i'll try to do it right this time around)
let's start over,
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over.

I've taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We've wasted too much time
Being strong and holding on
Can't let it bring us down

My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
I'll blow it away, blow it away
Can we make this something good?

Cause it's all misunderstood

(Well I'll try to do it right this time around)
Let's start over,
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over.

We can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out.

Let's start over
We'll try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over.

Lets start over
Its not over

Yeah yeah
This love is killing me
But you're the only one
It's not over
------------------------------------------------------

I found this song the day a part of me died.

I want to send this song to so many people. Look at the words, feel the meaning- I could apply this everywhere and it'll fit. I think I've just found my song.

Because blogger is pissed with me, I cant blog from the computer at home. so I have to do it from school, without my privacy, without my insanity, without the familiarity.

Went to watch "a Midsummer Night's Dream" at Fort Canning Park last night. Like their parting shot, it truly was dreamlike. At this point Im not sure how much of it was real, or how much was a byproduct of a late night jaunt aroudn fort canning park fully saited with drink and chips. To put it in the words of one Luna Lovegood, "It was like having friends". Ah, pass me another bottle of vitamilk please...

Between the two of us, You know everything about me... I can only pray its not over...

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Part of me is dead and in the ground

Breakfast anyone?

Matchbox20 - Breakfast at Tiffany's
You say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
But I know you just dont care
And I said "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, thats the one thing we've got."
I see you - the only one who knew me,
And now your eyes see through me
I guess I was wrong
So what now?
It's plain to see we're over,
And I hate when things are over -
When so much is left undone.
------------------------------------------

Not as much a song to me as a story about two people. A terribly romantic story in my opinion.

Its so sad aint it? What is? Who are you *squints* shoo shoo, Im posting a blog post now, you are not to interfere- go back to the dark corner of our mind and dont come out till Im finished. Bummer, come on, you NEED me, and you want me, so just let me do this post. No and thats final. Phew~

Ne-yo - So Sick
Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Why can't I turn off the radio?
-------------------------------------------

And another one...

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts the Most
can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
----------------------------------

Both for Chelmin, oh do cheer up- aren't you just "so sick" of this? So get up and over it. Enjoy these 2 songs, wallow in it for abit (really fitting) and then get it over and done with. He's my friend as much as you are mine, so ease up on it.

Why am I comfortable posting this? Because I know one one reads this blog anyway~ haha. Loser. Shutup- *Stuffs noisy bastard into a grim looking chest*

Feel like watching a ton of feel good movies now and listen to music all day long. I flunked out again- drats. So pissed off. Im like compiling this foolscap paper, every inch to be filled with lines from songs I like not seperated but one after another. It wont make sense but it will be full of love. Exactly what life should be like.

I miss people.

Sever me.

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You say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from