Ever the Same

Crossfade - Cold
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
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Wednesday, October 18th 2006. Promos paper checking day- I am so dead. I didn’t even make the 30 point mark. So far just by the papers alone without the addition of mid years this is the basic rundown. Please note the numbers above are estimates before moderation and addition of mid-year and non-pen-paper assessment. Those are raw scores translated from the actual papers I sat for and thus cannot be taken as the end product.

History: S [Was E]
Econs: U [Was E] (This is the surprising one, I never expected to get a U)
Lit: D [Was S] (The only improvement, but not enough to cover the U)
Math: U [Was D] (Another unexpected hunk of rubbish, twos U liao, how to pass?)
Chinese: E [Was S] (A slight improvement and this is the lowest E at that)
GP: B [Was B] (No change, damn irritated)

Quite despairing isn’t it? I still haven't told my parents anything, I'll wait for the final product before I leak any news out. After all, they aren't coming for commendation day anyway. Why? Because I didn’t win anything that’s why. Did I study hard enough? I don’t think so~ but did I mug? Yes, about 3 weeks before promos though. Was that enough? Far from enough, it was absolutely inefficient. Why did I study? Partially, because I wanted, with all my heart, to promote and enter J2 on my strength. Not to be kicked up the ladder via the “advanced” route. Is that the school’s version of pity points? And the other half… I don’t know~ Atmosphere maybe?

Tertiary camp starts tomorrow till Sunday. Meaning I won’t be home or online. And I’ll be unable to download anything or do any PW thing things. Not that I’ll want to do any Chinese or PW anyway. Browsing through my messenger I found something. “You are a success in God’s kingdom is you are faithful where He has placed you.” Where He has placed me? Rangers? HG2? I don’t know. The theme of tomorrow’s camp is “Back to Basics”. Without all the fluff and glamour. Without all the people looking and your duties. Back to the very basics. *points* That’s where I want to be.

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This doesn’t need to be the end…