How I Go

YellowCard - How I Go

I could tell you the wildest of tales
My friend the giant and traveling sales
Tell you all the times that I failed
The years all behind me
The stories exhaled.
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go

I could tell you of a man not so tall
Who said life's a circus and so we are small
Tell you of a girl that I saw
I froze in the moment and she changed it all

And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters flow
Flow...

Son I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me

And you keep the air in my lungs
Floating along as a melody comes
And my heart beats like timpani drums
Keeping the time while a symphony strums
And I'm drying out
Crying out
This isn't how I go
Hurry now
Lay me down
And let these waters flow...
Flow....
Let it flow
Let it flow

Son I am not everything you thought that I would be
But every story I have told is part of me
Son I leave you now but you have so much more to do
And every story I have told is part of you
---------------------------------------------------------------------
This song has been TORMENTING me for days. Ever since I heard Emmx singing it during PW, I just couldnt figure out the title or the words- it drove me nuts. And when I got the title, it wasn't avaliable for download ANYWHERE. The elusive song hid from me and evaded all my attempts to acquire it until I asked Emmx to send it to me. This is a very strange song. Not that its a bad song. No, its excellent, Im absolutely smitten. But my usual choice of songs either make sense to me or have meaningful lyrics. This one did'nt mean nuts until I went to do abit of research intothe movie that inspired this song. Big Fish. Sounds familiar? Big Fish is a beautiful movie- not that I've watched it. But now this song's allure has been amplified hundredfold I just cannot stop listening to it. Becoming such an emo fellar.

Over the past 4 days, a ton has happened. On Tuesday we had our class bbq at Oli's house! Pity for the 5 odd people who didnt turn up because it was an absolute blast! Words fail to describe how it was you just have to be there to know it. We got alot closer and [somewhat] steeled ourselves for the next day... 25th Oct Wed. Results Day!! Very sad day, not everyone made it although majority did. Yolanda and Shawn Wee had to retain- I am shocked. Why Yolanda?! Why Shawn?! Why any at all? I know Shawn from PW, he may be a little distracted now and then but he does work hard at what he does. I dont know alot about Yolanda, but... I have nothing more to say about this issue. We may have split but what has passed will forever remain. 061A02, Never Forget. As we forge ahead to year 2, I wonder what amazing and terrifying fates await us... We can only but wait and see. Today was commendation day! Just a large long waste of my time- and Im a prize winner! How much more boring it would be for the audience who aren't winning anything at all. The cheerleaders were hilarious. Someone should have taken a video of it~

Best in GP, big whoop. Getting Es and Ds for everything else- there was little to no pride going on stage to be a "prize-winner". GP wont take me through the A levels... my H2s will. And currently I suck big time at econs and history. Especially history~ my gosh. I dont know how they moderated a bunch of fails into a passing promo grade. But I do know for sure it will not happen again at the A-levels. Yes, Im scared. But I can only but press on. A legacy to live up to. We'll continue making A2 the best arts class :)

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And you will always shine~

Ever the Same

Crossfade - Cold
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
-----------------------------------------
Wednesday, October 18th 2006. Promos paper checking day- I am so dead. I didn’t even make the 30 point mark. So far just by the papers alone without the addition of mid years this is the basic rundown. Please note the numbers above are estimates before moderation and addition of mid-year and non-pen-paper assessment. Those are raw scores translated from the actual papers I sat for and thus cannot be taken as the end product.

History: S [Was E]
Econs: U [Was E] (This is the surprising one, I never expected to get a U)
Lit: D [Was S] (The only improvement, but not enough to cover the U)
Math: U [Was D] (Another unexpected hunk of rubbish, twos U liao, how to pass?)
Chinese: E [Was S] (A slight improvement and this is the lowest E at that)
GP: B [Was B] (No change, damn irritated)

Quite despairing isn’t it? I still haven't told my parents anything, I'll wait for the final product before I leak any news out. After all, they aren't coming for commendation day anyway. Why? Because I didn’t win anything that’s why. Did I study hard enough? I don’t think so~ but did I mug? Yes, about 3 weeks before promos though. Was that enough? Far from enough, it was absolutely inefficient. Why did I study? Partially, because I wanted, with all my heart, to promote and enter J2 on my strength. Not to be kicked up the ladder via the “advanced” route. Is that the school’s version of pity points? And the other half… I don’t know~ Atmosphere maybe?

Tertiary camp starts tomorrow till Sunday. Meaning I won’t be home or online. And I’ll be unable to download anything or do any PW thing things. Not that I’ll want to do any Chinese or PW anyway. Browsing through my messenger I found something. “You are a success in God’s kingdom is you are faithful where He has placed you.” Where He has placed me? Rangers? HG2? I don’t know. The theme of tomorrow’s camp is “Back to Basics”. Without all the fluff and glamour. Without all the people looking and your duties. Back to the very basics. *points* That’s where I want to be.

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This doesn’t need to be the end…

Reflections in Glass

Protector of Justice ne?
Whats that? Is it real?
Dont be foolish! You're
Dreaming. How Idealistic
What about Reality? Wake
Up! This isnt a TV show
Don't think you're such
a great person. I want
power... You'll never be
satisfied! I just want
things to change- Still
Dreaming? To change the
world... What a Joke! I
musn't give up my dream
Quit this nonsense. Who
are you? You know full
well. I want to be some
body... Not with the
way you are now. If only
I could... could what?
I want to sleep. Running
away again, how will you
ever learn? Im so tired.
Oh no you dont. Leave me
be. Stop living in your
fantasy! But... I dont
know anything else...
Thats your just desserts
isnt it? How long has it
been... Long enough. How
now? I dont know either,
its your life, you fix it.
Teach me, i dont know any
thing~ Im out of here.
Wait! Dont go... help me.

"All you know about life now is richards place, srjc, church, your cell and your studies, you dont know anything else do you?"

"What are you thinking Mr Loh? I dont know where to place you"

"It depends on what you want in life, what do you want to do?"

"Reality is that cruel, of course you dont know anything yet do you?"

No i dont and you're happy like that? yes how long do you think this will last? I dont know You're going to be eighteen in a week, you're going to be a man I dont want to grow up nobody does, but they all do. You cant run from time No I wont accept that Look at me in the eye and say you know who you are I cant You cant look at anyone in the eye can you So what if I cant? Then you will be like this the rest of your life Its fine the way it is No it isnt, and you know it full well Maybe I do Then snap out of this I dont know how this again? Because its true Tell me, is anything bothering you? No Then why are you like that? I have no idea either, thats the way I am This absolutely wont do, where's your pride? What pride? As a human, as a man as a living thing. I don't remember

"Hey are you coming?"
"I'm not going to miss this for the world!"
"Excellent, see you in an hour!" *click*
"Yea... see you too... But who is it you want to see?"

Do you know what you've done?
Yes
Do you know what you're doing?
No
How then are you going to solve this?
I dont know
Are you really ignorant or just dont care?
...
I bet you dont give a damn do you?
I would if I knew whats going on

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Why does your presence unsettle me so?
Because I show you everything you are not.

Sunray

McFly - Its About You
Its all about you
(Its about you)
Its all about you baby
Its all about you
(Its about you)
Its all about you

Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile
Its all about you

Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said you'd made my life worth while
Its all about you

And I would answer all your wishes
If you asked me to
But if you denie me one of your kisses
Don't know what ild do

So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Its all about you yeah

And I would answer all your wishes
If you asked me to
But if you denie me one of your kisses
Don't know what ild do

So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you made my life worth while
So I told you with a smile
Its all about you

Its all about you
(Its about you)
Its all about you baby
Its all about you
(Its about you)
Its all about you baby

Its all about you
(Its about you)
Its all about you baby
Its all about you
(Its about you)
Its all about you
Its all about you
-------------------------
Great song huh? Found it on someone's blog, pretty catchy and simple. Its a real short song, about 2:30 give and take a few seconds. New on my english favourites along with Chasing Cars and Time Machine. What is common about these 3 songs that made my list? They all make perfect sense with which I can relate, simple as that. I like my songs meaningful, which would instantly cancel out club type music (urgh) and rapping.

Promos may be over, but it still aint over until the results are all out. And Project Work demands Oral Presentation and Written Report. A levels demands chinese. The computer demands a working Cd-drive. My wallet demands a fattening. My glasses demand a balance fix. My mind demands I make up my mind. So many demands (alright, not so many but it looks like alot) but so little resources. But just the thought of promos being over puts a chunk of it away from mind. Hmmm... I wonder, is there still PE on thursday? O wait, no- zZz it is PW and chinese intensive week(s). What a nice way to relax after promos (blegh)

Todays CET was pretty fun. Of course, with the teacher being George Ong, whats not fun about it? He was teaching on platonic relationships (heh) and since that class was for us "poor under 19s" who fall under the "under 19" rule, naturally the hour was spent telling us how to maintain platonic relationships. Surprising thing is how few of the people actually responded that platonic relationships are possible! I mean, if they aren't possible then what in the world would a student in a co-ed school do? They'll go insane for sure! And I got round thinking, if they don't believe in platonic relationships then what exactly is going on their their lives aside from Sundays, Fridays and Thursday night? O.o Now I really dont want to think about it.

Faust, my dear beloved persona. I think its time, I retire you. Today was a turning point in my life, I do not want to hide behind a false name again. Especially not one which is tied to the forces of darkness. I from this moment forth free myself from you. Faust is no more, only Chang Xiang, and if i need a nick, ChanX will be it. Sounds like chance- its a good one isnt it? ^_^

I was so bored during chinese (because I couldnt write my compo... dont know what to write) that I wrote these long lines. Stupid stuff, read it if you like. Just take it at face value ya?

A golden sunray peeks through the clouds above
Like a sword cutting through the restraints of armor
Inside the soul huddles in fear and darkness
Come with Me, you'll be safe here
Immediately she accepts her sweet rest
Above all powers above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Nothing compares to His great love
Nothing seperates us from Your love
Pass no judgement on me
Heaven rejoices in a new soul saved
Under the skies there reigns jubilee
All but those who wear tight their suit

Just one touch, just one touch of Your hand
Everything will be alright
All the world is at peace
No more anguish, no more sorrow
Your power is that unfanthomable
Inside me, over me, the hunger grows

From the very first sight you were different
In view a sickly pale
Distubingly enough thats how you are
Everytime you appear
Sometimes I think you might be crazy
Chances are I'm slightly right
Hope this craziness wont infect me
As I await the coming of your night
Nothing then shall stop me, but I might

Remind me to find better use for chinese compo paper next time k? Promos makes me crazy. MT promos made me crazier. The snazzy new sitting arrangement for MT made me even crazier. Thank God for craziness.

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Awaken my child and embrace the glory that is your birthright

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now I'm found,
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
We have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call'd me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.
---------------------------------

I just kept singing this throughout Friday's papers. I dont know why- it makes me calm.

Promos are over, yet I do not feel especially happy. Im... whats the word... ambivalent.

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How precious did the grace appear
The hour I first believed

Day V

Well haha, I didnt realise it but my previous post was this blog's 300th Post!! Yay!

To commemorate that here's a rather common quiz that is making its rounds on blogs. Enjoy and do it too!

Thought this would be fun, so gave it a go.

The requirements:

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question (but it seems you can insert lyrics from the song if you want lah… in addition to the title…so if it’s suitable, just go ahead lah)

1. How am I feeling today?
Time Hughes – Jesus, You Alone

Comment: Totally random. Positively speaking, focused maybe? Negatively, lets just emphasise on the word “alone”

2. Where will I get married?
Hillary Duff - Fly

Comment: At face value, I’ll get married on an airplane. Right

3. What is my best friend’s theme song?
Matt Redman – Blessed Be Your Name

Comments: Absolutely my Best Friend’s theme song ha-ha. Blessed be God’s name.

4. What was high school like?
Utada Hikaru – Simple and Clean

Comment: Simple and Clean it was, alright not really- but mostly? Yea, Id agree this is quite accurate. I miss Sec sch.

5. What is the best thing about me?
Kita He – Hop, Step, Jump

Comment: Okay… My greatest asset are my feet/legs?

6. How is today going to be?
McFly – The Guy that Turned Her Down

Comment: Pretty good! Despite the lousy sounding title it’s a song about not passing up a chance. A good choice of no regrets.

7. What is in store for this weekend?
Planet Shakers – Everything’s Changed

Comments: Whoo hoo! Am I ever glad =) Let’s pray this time the change is permanent .

8. What song describes my parents?
Jay Chou – Jian Dan Ai

Comment: Fair enough, simple love. Asian parents don’t really show a lot of love physically yea?

9. How is my life going?
Casting Crowns – Praise You in this Storm

Comment: Promos are this storm, and I will praise you Lord through it all. Thank you for the confirmation.

10. What song will they play at my funeral?
L’arc en Ciel – The Fourth Ave Cafe

Comment: I might seriously request this song for my funeral. Very Nice song.

11. How does the world see me?
BoA - Every Heart

Comment: Idealistic, and looking for love… Like everyone secretly does

12. What do my friends really think of me?
Do as Infinity – TAO

“Goodbye my friend, I won't forget you
I feel proud that I met you
In place of you, the staff of hope
will probably lead us to the end of the light”

Comment: A sad song of separation between friends… Is this how the story ends?

13. Do people secretly lust after me?
Do as Infinity – Week!

Comment: O.o Every week, Monday to Sunday… Ha-ha, as if.

14. How can I make myself happy?
Hilary Duff – So Yesterday

“Ifs over let it go and come tomorrow it will seem so yesterday”

Comment: Seriously, I have to let bygones be bygones.

15. What should I do with my life?
Hillsong United – Welcome in this Place

Comment: Okay… I have to welcome the Holy Spirit in my life. This quiz is getting very personal now.

16. Will I ever have children?
Mai Otome – Dream Wing

“Only my Dream Wings are somewhere
If I find them
I can fly towards the future, right?”

Comment: I guess I will ha-ha, sometime =)

17. What is some good advice?
Hillsongs – Let Us Adore

Comment: Alright God, I’m getting the point. Too long, too many times, too clear.

18. What do I think my current theme song is?
Amadori – Soba ni Iru Kara

“Even I have times when I don't understand, baby
Whenever you're in tears, I'm by your side
Even on nights when we're apart, I'm by your side
I'm by your side”

Comment: Lovestuck… I wish I could…

19. What does everyone else think about my current life?
T.M. Revolution – Ignited

“A heart without even one thing to hold on to
En route to solitude, there is a world losing sight”

Comment: A parallel, a song with a motivated positive title hiding a message of brokenness and conflict. I’m loving this quiz more and more.

20. What type of style of men/woman do you like?
Smash mouth - Allstar

Comment: Wow- someone optimistic who isn’t afraid to take risks. An person of excellent substance. Not far from the truth.

21. Will you get married?
Hillsongs - So Close I Believe

Comment: How scary… I don’t believe I’m ready at all. But in God we trust.

23. Where will you live?
Gabrielle – Out of Reach

Comment: O.o well, when I thought that I didn’t need anyone else to survive I didn’t expect to doom myself to an existence of complete physical and geographical isolation…

24. What will your dying words be?
Finger Eleven – One Thing

“If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something”

Comment: How appropriate. Indeed before I die I’ll be glad to be able to say I have done one thing that was worth my time on earth. One of my Favourite songs of all time for its meaningfulness.

25. When I’m having sex I say…
Relient K – This week the Trend

Comment: Self-explanatory. Lets try the newest trend this week =P

26. When I meet the guy/lady for the first time I say…
Do as Infinity - Mahour no Kotoba ~ Would You Marry Me

Comment: Well, heh, I guess I waste no time- this is eerily linked to Q21…

27. When my parents are angry I say…
Relient K – My Girl’s Ex-boyfriend

“He's the guy that you should feel sorry for
He had the world but he thought that he wanted more
I owe it all to the mistake he made back then
I owe it all to my girl's ex-boyfriend”

Comment: Umm, wow. When my parents are angry I’ll sympathise with those who are worse off lol.
----------------------------

My Zen encompasses only 577 songs, impressive how much of the results were Christian based. God is speaking, in more ways than one now. I guess i'll have to start listening soon.

Econs tomorrow. All in one, a very big chunk to cover. Thats three solid hours of writing to get over. But at least I have no paper on Thursday. Todays History was horrible... I didnt have time to finish and I ran out of points. I dont have ten dates per essay either. Both ways Im screwed. And My cold war is much better then South East Asia. If this is how well "much better" is... I see no forseeable hope for histroy as an A level subjet. And no foreseeable future for me as a JC graduate.

Everything is converging on one spot. One wicked point at which I cannot run from. Time to face the music, time to stop running away.

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If I could only let you know...

Day III

When the clock inched to 1pm and you were still missing I was worried. What if you went and did something stupid. Its only lit paper 2, please don’t let anything be wrong. Turns out you just left school for lunch and was a little late in coming back. I was relieved when Mr Rozells managed to contact everyone who was missing and confirm their safety. But you had to return with company- what a damper.

Lit is a difficult subject to do when your pessimism skews your interpretation of optimistic poems. But yesterday's poem was inspiring enough to show off in its full glory the light and message the poet wanted to express, according to my interpretation that is. How fun. I had a picnic writing section a, so much so I had to stop to start on Lear otherwise Id fail haha. But I think I screwed up King Lear.

Four more days, four more papers. I really really am going to die for history. No matter what I tell others, I cant endure on my own. At least, Id have helped someone else to promote, encouraged someone to do better. Right? History paper 1, econs, Math then History paper 2. Pray that everyone will make it through, happily, successfully- to fight again at the end of next year. Not just amongst ourselves, but to pit our strength against the best in the world. "All the worlds a stage" How will we act, how will we perform?

Should I go for zone camp? It clashes with some Media Club activity. And I don't have the luxury of time to wait and see. Either way there will be a party that feels cheated. And prom night. So we'll be going as part of the media crew, alright, no biggie. But Id be dead if we have to actually dress up to get in. Dress up to be part of the background? That’s logical but crappy. Just as crappy as having to underline the topic sentences in your history essays, sure it helps the tutors identify your argument more easily but making jus spend time to actually mark it out? What the blue?

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Give em the Shining Finger

Day III

Stupid blogger ate up my last post, I was so irritated I never reposted it ZzZ

You jackass. You never told anyone of us. We're your cell group damnnit, if you need to confide in somone we exist! If you dont say, we'll never know if you've got problems. Well yea, besides stress and exams and shit like that- we're your friends too. Even you said your peeps at school tihnk you spend more time with us then them. So why aren't we in the know? Guess you have alot on your mind too huh? Registration closes on the 22nd of Oct, I think we can wait abit until then huh? I'll be waiting for your answer then.

Tomorrow is day III. Lit paper 2, if I dont do moderately well in my opinion for this paper I will fail Literature again. And mr Steven Tay is going to chew me out. The kid who begged his way into Lit even though he didnt take Literature at O-level. I already screwed up paper 1, if I cant score in paper 2, it will be like mid years all over again. Not to mention next years As will be insane.

If you're a girl, fill out the girls' confessions, and put an 'x' next to each that apply.
If you're a guy, fill out the guys', and put an 'x' next to each that apply also.
Have fun! [Don't forget to delete the x's if you're the opposite sex =)]

X_x Girl Confessions x_X

[ ] I do wear make up
[ ] When I walk by mirrors, I cant help but look
[ ] I love pink
[ ] I have cried at a movie theatre
[ ] I love chocolates
[ ] Getting flowers still makes me smile
[ ] I've wrecked a car
[ ] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth
[ ] I'd do anything for a guy
[ ] I love cuddling
[ ] Johnny Depp is sexy =)
[ ] Gotten detention
[ ] If I have to dress like a... to get your attention, then forget it buddy
[ ] I love to laugh
[ ] I've flashed someone/some people
[ ] I've skinny dipped
[ ] I like Rock
[ ] I like rap
[ ] I like Electronics/techno
[ ] I carry a wallet everywhere
[ ] I carry my cell phone at ALL times
[ ] I do own a spice girls CD
[ ] I also own a Britney Spears CD
[ ] I play hard to get
[ ] Boys are fun to tease
[ ] Football is boring
[ ] I love athletic boys
[ ] I love rockers
[ ] Hot guys are better then sweet guys
[ ] Sweet guys are better than hot guys
[ ] I prefer "sweet hotty" guys.
[ ] I've been called a tease
[ ] Lip gloss is WAY better than lipstick
[ ] can't leave the house without makeup
[ ] I'm a bitch. Deal with it.
[ ] I play video games, even when there are other people around
[ ] My friends are the best, and they're important to me


o_O Guy Confessions O_o

[ ] I have watched....... (watched what? Power Rangers?)
[ ] I have played/cheated on a girl
[ ] Ive slept naked
[x] I play video games
[ ] I wear boxers to bed
[ ] Ive thrown rocks @ a girls window
[ ] Ive drank because I felt like it
[ ] I still beat my buddies up
[x] Of course they never beat me up
[ ] I drive a truck/SUV
[x] My friends and I make fun of each other...alot (depends on which group of friends)
[ ] I drive some type of car
[ ] I have a job
[ ] I currently have a girlfriend
[ ] My girlfriend is better than yours
[ ] I think about girls/my girl
[x] Girls are complicated, to the tenth degree (some)
[ ] Im .......... friendly? ahaha
[ ] Ive forgotten to return a phone call to a girl...or a few
[x] Not all guys are the same Im one of the different ones
[ ] Id do anything for my girl/a girl
[x] I tend to be shy around girls
[ ] I act like an ass on purpose
[ ] I've been flashed before
[ ] Ive seen the Rocky Horror picture show
[ ] I play hard to get
[ ] I aspire to one day become like the guys in Old School
[x] Im not in love (depends on with what =P)
[ ] Ive honked at a girl going down the road
[ ] I've hit on a girl in public
[ ] I've gotten wood in class
[ ] I've asked a hot girl for her number that I just met
[ ] Ive acted like a man ........
[ ] Angelina Jolie is hot
[ ] Pamela Anderson is hotter
[ ] Sports over-rule everything else
[ ] I like rock music
[ I like rap music
[ ] Ive been expelled
[x] Ive gotten detention
[ ] Cheerleaders are hot
[ ] I have a tattoo
[ ] Ive gotten road head
[ ] I smoke entirely too much
[x] Im a virgin
[x] I respect what you have to say
[x] And yes I care how your day went =)
[x] Its not the external looks that matter its how you feel about yourself
That was quite stupid, I feel abit dumb for doing that quiz now.
Paper tomorrow, how? So sian, still cant imaing e how I will handle the rest of ther papers. History? Econs? Math? Those havent even begun yet!
Will continue some other time... I have to sleep now ZzZ
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Alls well that ends well