Happy Birthday to me

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to...
Me *weeps*

I don't need anything that anyone could give. There is nothing that money can buy. Just another day, nothing is different, im at work even. So tell me why it breaks me up inside. I'm still coming to terms with the fact my teenage life has past me by- it ended when I turned 20. It's been one year, and in my heart and soul I know that I'm still in stasis. My time has ceased flowing since it all began. All the anomalies have twisted, fusing this and that until nothing is clear any longer- when did the blight begin, when did the nomalcy even end?

I fall on my knees
- Lord I know there MUST be more

Is this the frustration Solomon felt? Vanity, vanity, all is mere vanity. That all the world has to offer is so worthless, so futile, that there is no value in all that we build in life save for relationships, with other people, with God. Not even wisdom, or skill. Not triumph nor discovery- not happiness or pleasure. Nothing. And on that front I am poorer then poor. Is it over- the inertia of my lifestyle up till now pulling me along into the pit I can see but cannot avoid.

What then is hope but to start anew. Go somewhere where no one knows who I am, forge a new identity from scratch and never let those two worlds collide. But I lack the courage to cut all ties with everyone I know and become a nobody once more.

Truly now we can say: I have nothing

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Complaintation

This original post was much more elaborate but orders now say we cannot say anything about operati- work.

Worst birthday ever much? New rules, new system- which is so much trouble. Fair enough they higher hq has left us be for the longest time but this... This is just absurd in comparison to what we used to do! It's like the circus suddenly gave up performing and decided to go into the say- carpentry business. It makes no sense. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

At least no one knows it was my birthday. Only 2 hours to go before this oh so momentous day is over. I'm just apathetic now. Yea, having expectations does this to you when it falls flat on it's nose.

Money makes so much go round... I can't satisfy the things you want but maybe I can put an end to that string of wrecks you've left behind. The thing I fear the most would be becoming one of those left in your wake- I'm sure you know. Maybe you're already used to it, because you know you are just that lovable and attractive.

I want...

I have nothing. Throw it away, I just want to be free tonight. Answers that I'll never find don't mean a thing tonight.


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Zetta loving it

Goodness, it has been raining almost everyday now and it's only October! I can barely imagine what December will be like- rampant flooding? Torrential downpours? Though it is fact that it rains on Christmas every year I don't ever remembering any more than a passing shower. Christmas is just one more thing to look forward to.

Last week of deployment for the win! May it turn out (haha, turn out) pleasant. Then zone camp, which is interrupted by battalion family day followed by combat shoot tentatively the Monday after zone camp. Acct in november and that should wrap this all up for ord in December :3 There is so much to look forward to in december. I should really be getting to writing that letter to Edina...

I totally wasted today- just felt so sleepy. I guess there are some dreams that must be had. I would like to call it synchronization but let's reign that line of thought in for a while.

I hid the day I saw you last
At the bottom of my memories


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May tomorrow be wonderful too

This is torture and I am DYING. STOP MAKING ME WANT YOU ANY MORE THEN I ALREADY DO. You are the cruelest, cutest, most coveted cherub ever. Alliterate that, angel of words.

Tinkering

I'm pretty excited now ^_^ somehow it is simply far easier to think when I'm not sitting before a computer or paper. It has been ages since I've written anything creative wise, which really sucks. I find all skills are like muscles; lack of use will result in them withering away eventually leading to anthropy.

Today, I was leaving camp when in began to pour. In response I went and donned my goretex jacket, hood And all to book out. It's the closest ive ever been to wearing a trench coat and it felt really cool having the coat tails trailing behind me. MLIA.

Today when I was leaving camp it began to pour but by the time the car reached Bishan the sky was clear. Only upon reaching home did the dark clouds begin to catch on. I felt like I had outrun the rain and beat the system. MLIA.

So far so good- Lin Sivvi (Which is what I kinda named my newest lovely pal here. FYI, she is a rebel hero) is exceeding expectations. It is no iPhone but I think we'll get along just fine.

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