Your Call

And im tired of being all alone
And this solitary moment makes me want to come back home

I am so tired of being all alone. Is it such a crime, to feel affection for more then one person? To want to build a connection that is more than casual with the people you know, not just a few but a whole range? To really get close and intimate with who they are behind closed doors, without all the masks, personas, suits and titles. Think what you will, but really? All I want to do is talk and in return to hear and understand what their souls are saying, not their lips.

In the moonlight, your face it glows
Like a thousand diamonds I suppose
And you hair flows like the ocean breeze
Not a million fights could make me hate you
You're invincible yea its true
Its in your eyes that I find peace

I remember when I first heard about you. We were on bikes, cycling along the coast and I heard him talking about how you two sat under the moonlight on that rock. It was probably at that time, when an image of who you were began forming in my minds eye. When you materialised in the flesh it would feel as the song said: "I knew I loved you before I met you, I must have dreamed you into life. I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all my life." I remember, telling someone (or no one) after getting to know you a little, that you were the person I had dreamt of being, brought to life as another before my very eyes - it was a living miracle. Irresistable, your very existance calling to me like no one else did. Never before did I feel the need to have and hold, to keep safe and protect, to know and understand any one single person. The intensity is unparallelled.

I don't mind writing this- I don't even care what is public or private anymore. I am the only one who would bother enough, who would even consider to look through archives, to read more then is written, to read what is written but encoded in plain sight, to encode what I want to but dare not say into harmlessness. No one would care to even know it is there, to suspect something is amiss. I'm making more then one post out of this session and I know no one reads more then the latest one. So I don't care, I'm writing it here. I am besotted with you Chelmin Lim, I have been ever since I've known you and I'll do more then anything to find you again.

If anyone actually reads this (or if by some cruel trick google picks up the use of a proper noun structure in a name search and comes upon this post) rest assured I do feel slightly (very) apprehensive to posting "sensitive" content for all the world on the internet but what choice do I have. It will tear its way out of my chest sooner or later and keeping it in is killing me. I will keep doing my best to be someone you can be proud of. I may not be your intellectual or emotional equal but that is what mystifies me and enraptures my heart. I'd take that chance.

If one gets here on raw endurance having tried to read everything on the page then by golly, would I ever like to meet someone who expresses such a great interest in my life and ramblings. Such people always leave a deep impression and are not easily forgotten_ which is also why I want to take a great interest in the lives of as many people as I'd care to- to leave that deep impression upon their lives.

Quote of e Post:
On the way down
I almost fell right through
But I held on to you