I can't do it. I cannot clean up my room, not the piles of books and papers. Not the swarm of notes and folders cluttering shelves and cupboards. why? Because, it is part of me- spring cleaning today (very very late kind) and so I tried. Went through stacks and took out those things I no longer wanted, sadly that is too few, when I swapped that to take out the things I didn't need, the stack multiplied like bacteria.
Then came the moment, throwing it away. It only took half an hour, I was agitated, tearing, quartering my memories, butchering my history. The notes, all the way from secondary 1 onwards, tearing them was tearing a part of me- at first I just tore them like paper, but after a while I couldn't take it no more. I either tore very violently and unreluctantly or I just tossed them aside. I cant do this, I can't betray my heart and soul- I won't do it anymore. It is what I am made up of thus far.
On a lighter note, I have finished all the 4 discs of the HxH Greed Island OVA boxset 1, and I really want to watch the rest! Im currently downloading boxset 2, and it is likely to take me about a week, not a really long time, but it will do, hmm should I get boxset 3 at the same time to save time? We'll see about that-
Service tomorrow morning is like super early at 8:30am... means my father is chasing my off the computer BLEH. More tomorrow-
Quote of e Post:
You are dead. What you do with your new life is entirely up to me. That's the theory anyway
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Gone for Good
Yay! My fever's gone ^_^ It didnt come back today- hip hip hooray! So happy, oh and I also managed to find two songs that I heard on the radio long time ago but never could find, I found them today ^_^ so yea mutliple hit happiness, the two songs namely are--
Last Kiss by Pearl Jam
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, up straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life that night.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Oooh~ ooooh~
------------------
Talk to me by Smash!
Every night I hear you cry
Don't you wanna tell me why
I'm afraid the way cannot without you
Maybe I misunderstand
But when I reach and touch your hand
I can't feel you anymore
You seem a million miles away from me tonight
Baby but I'm right beside you
* Talk to me
That's what my love is here for
Can't stand to see
Those tears in your eyes
I'll do anything it takes to make it right
Baby
Talk to me
Even if it's just to say good-bye
Whatever so hard to say
Whatever makes you turn away
Can't be any worse that I imagine
You gotta tell me what you need from me
To hold you close or set you free
Cause I just wanna see your smile again
But I can't help you if you keep me in the dark
Open up your breaking heart and
[Repeat *]
I don't know how to ease the pain you're going through
Baby, tell me what to do
[Repeat *]
------------------
Nice right? Bleh, of course you can't tell if you don't hear it for yourself. So anyhow, im like so swamped. I have geography presentation on Thursday, and GP tutorial to wrap up, not to mention Maths tutorial and research on Julius Caesar for Lit. tsk tsk, so much so much. Oh and Bachelor merit *blub blub blub* *GASP* *blub blub blub* swampppp...
Chinese New Year weekend is here! Stun right? So cool- haha anyhow so this year Im not going to my relative's home for reunion dinner because they are working (so sad right? What reunion dinner with your own family only...) Nevermind la, this year CNY like abit lack lustre, dont know why- like it has lost it's appeal and shine, it has become just another festival, just another day.
We will jsut wait and see- oh yes, i managed to borrow Hunter x Hunter Greed Island OVE from Ming Siang ^_^ Wahaha, can watch. And D.Gray Man book 6 is out, bought it and read, very nice :) but has those kind of cliffhanger ending, the kind we all know, love and hate. Haha, waiting for book 7 patiently.
OH! Adding this later, cos It came back to me now haha! I'll blog more properly from now on =x Heehee. Anyways, went back to PCSS with almost all the other peicaians in SR, so fun :) I FEEL SO BAD! After Os i totally forgot about Miss Shim's wedding =x I mean Mrs Goh heehee, I miss my old teachers. Miss Kodi is so nice, but she still wants her "distinction in english from her two last hopes" :> But my dear old rival is driving me up the wall!
Who? Ok, I wont call Kristy a "rival" sort on sorts because I just curl up and die before her poweress in the language I only have a "flair" in. I want to be a journalist, I am 18. she is 17, instead of being in Jc for PAE she got a post as a STRAITS TIMES INTERN! MY GOSH! She's nearer to my dreams then I think I'll ever be *cries* *snaps upright* New motivation! Work-Ever-Harder! Strive-To-Achieve! I wont be beaten, not by Mr Fong, not by Mr Tan, not by circumstances, not by rumors, not by odds, not by conventions, nothing-
Quote of e Post:
My Will Is Something You Can't Confiscate
Last Kiss by Pearl Jam
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
We were out on a date in my daddy's car
We hadn't driven very far
There in the road, up straight ahead
A car was stalled, the engine was dead
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right
I'll never forget the sound that night
The screamin' tires, the bustin' glass
The painful scream that I heard last.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
When I woke up, the rain was pourin' down
There were people standing all around
Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life that night.
Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me
She's gone to heaven, so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.
Oooh~ ooooh~
------------------
Talk to me by Smash!
Every night I hear you cry
Don't you wanna tell me why
I'm afraid the way cannot without you
Maybe I misunderstand
But when I reach and touch your hand
I can't feel you anymore
You seem a million miles away from me tonight
Baby but I'm right beside you
* Talk to me
That's what my love is here for
Can't stand to see
Those tears in your eyes
I'll do anything it takes to make it right
Baby
Talk to me
Even if it's just to say good-bye
Whatever so hard to say
Whatever makes you turn away
Can't be any worse that I imagine
You gotta tell me what you need from me
To hold you close or set you free
Cause I just wanna see your smile again
But I can't help you if you keep me in the dark
Open up your breaking heart and
[Repeat *]
I don't know how to ease the pain you're going through
Baby, tell me what to do
[Repeat *]
------------------
Nice right? Bleh, of course you can't tell if you don't hear it for yourself. So anyhow, im like so swamped. I have geography presentation on Thursday, and GP tutorial to wrap up, not to mention Maths tutorial and research on Julius Caesar for Lit. tsk tsk, so much so much. Oh and Bachelor merit *blub blub blub* *GASP* *blub blub blub* swampppp...
Chinese New Year weekend is here! Stun right? So cool- haha anyhow so this year Im not going to my relative's home for reunion dinner because they are working (so sad right? What reunion dinner with your own family only...) Nevermind la, this year CNY like abit lack lustre, dont know why- like it has lost it's appeal and shine, it has become just another festival, just another day.
We will jsut wait and see- oh yes, i managed to borrow Hunter x Hunter Greed Island OVE from Ming Siang ^_^ Wahaha, can watch. And D.Gray Man book 6 is out, bought it and read, very nice :) but has those kind of cliffhanger ending, the kind we all know, love and hate. Haha, waiting for book 7 patiently.
OH! Adding this later, cos It came back to me now haha! I'll blog more properly from now on =x Heehee. Anyways, went back to PCSS with almost all the other peicaians in SR, so fun :) I FEEL SO BAD! After Os i totally forgot about Miss Shim's wedding =x I mean Mrs Goh heehee, I miss my old teachers. Miss Kodi is so nice, but she still wants her "distinction in english from her two last hopes" :> But my dear old rival is driving me up the wall!
Who? Ok, I wont call Kristy a "rival" sort on sorts because I just curl up and die before her poweress in the language I only have a "flair" in. I want to be a journalist, I am 18. she is 17, instead of being in Jc for PAE she got a post as a STRAITS TIMES INTERN! MY GOSH! She's nearer to my dreams then I think I'll ever be *cries* *snaps upright* New motivation! Work-Ever-Harder! Strive-To-Achieve! I wont be beaten, not by Mr Fong, not by Mr Tan, not by circumstances, not by rumors, not by odds, not by conventions, nothing-
Quote of e Post:
My Will Is Something You Can't Confiscate
Thursday, January 26, 2006
White moon
Haha! This is wierd- I woke up in the morning and there was no fever, woo hoo! But once I came home it began to set in again. What in the world? This is so wierd, really no kidding. Im burning up now- but just this morning and afternoon I was fit as a fiddle! This is way out of the twilight zone-
dont know la, how long will it last now? Throughout the rest of the day up till tomorrow morning? When it will sneak away again and vanish only to resurface in the evening. Feeling shiverish and cold- I am 100% sick, but not down, not out, infact dealing quite well with it save for the throat and the aching..
白い月 <-- Shiroi Tsuki, white moon. Faust's image song- It just sounds nice. The voicing is alittl chirpy (read: in singapore terms, chirpy for a guy means gay) Woo hoo, somehow my blog is no longer serious or like a dairy, it is... degenerating into... a cesspool?
The only thing that goes in is rubbish. Therefor no one comes here, no one comes, Im less motivated to blog properly, and yea. C E S S P O O L, haha- Im insane. Must be the fever...
Quote of e Post:
Under the sun, Under the Moon...
dont know la, how long will it last now? Throughout the rest of the day up till tomorrow morning? When it will sneak away again and vanish only to resurface in the evening. Feeling shiverish and cold- I am 100% sick, but not down, not out, infact dealing quite well with it save for the throat and the aching..
白い月 <-- Shiroi Tsuki, white moon. Faust's image song- It just sounds nice. The voicing is alittl chirpy (read: in singapore terms, chirpy for a guy means gay) Woo hoo, somehow my blog is no longer serious or like a dairy, it is... degenerating into... a cesspool?
The only thing that goes in is rubbish. Therefor no one comes here, no one comes, Im less motivated to blog properly, and yea. C E S S P O O L, haha- Im insane. Must be the fever...
Quote of e Post:
Under the sun, Under the Moon...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
I WIll Go
I got a letter. From MINDEF, in a nice bright and orange background. I love orange. but I am going off my point. Its the NX registration form- how time flies, it is so scary, my gosh I dont want to grow up. Reality Bites--
I thinkIm running a fever but I don't know- Just 2 days before chinese new year? You've got to be kiddig me- this just wont do. I know it won't heal if I leave it alone, but then again im not sure if im really running a fever or nuts. I have a sore throat too, oh dang, Hope it isn't just like the last time- *runs off to eat fever control medicine and fruits*
Hmm, doing Math Tutorial now, its not that tough but that aching pain just makes everything tough... I should'nt even be online =.= So much to do, Merits, Schwork, Personal interests... and God, yea a highly oft neglected factor. Where is all my resolution?
We did poetry for literature today, here's my works ^_^
We're down to our last straw
They number legions or more
As I looked on I swore
At the futility of war
Four rhyming lines, not bad for a first try I must say so myself, here another structured one~
Forest
Scampering, chirps
Vines, fruit, seeds
strength, growth
tranquility
Another structured one...
Hate
consuming, impatient
Gnashing, crusing, smothered, regret
self-destruction
Isn't it easy? Poems need not rhyme, these employ imagery- the words makes you feel like you're there, in that situation, it arouses feelings in you, and like the name implies, images, pictures, flashing through your mind. How fun-
Im feelin worse now, having a fever bites, and everyone is out. If I tell them they will just berate me for my late nights asying I brought it upon myself. If I dont, when it gets out of hand they'll ask why I didn't tell them earlier. right. Pain--
Quote of e Post:
As we humble ourselves, seek Your ways, fall on our knees, turn from our ways--
I thinkIm running a fever but I don't know- Just 2 days before chinese new year? You've got to be kiddig me- this just wont do. I know it won't heal if I leave it alone, but then again im not sure if im really running a fever or nuts. I have a sore throat too, oh dang, Hope it isn't just like the last time- *runs off to eat fever control medicine and fruits*
Hmm, doing Math Tutorial now, its not that tough but that aching pain just makes everything tough... I should'nt even be online =.= So much to do, Merits, Schwork, Personal interests... and God, yea a highly oft neglected factor. Where is all my resolution?
We did poetry for literature today, here's my works ^_^
We're down to our last straw
They number legions or more
As I looked on I swore
At the futility of war
Four rhyming lines, not bad for a first try I must say so myself, here another structured one~
Forest
Scampering, chirps
Vines, fruit, seeds
strength, growth
tranquility
Another structured one...
Hate
consuming, impatient
Gnashing, crusing, smothered, regret
self-destruction
Isn't it easy? Poems need not rhyme, these employ imagery- the words makes you feel like you're there, in that situation, it arouses feelings in you, and like the name implies, images, pictures, flashing through your mind. How fun-
Im feelin worse now, having a fever bites, and everyone is out. If I tell them they will just berate me for my late nights asying I brought it upon myself. If I dont, when it gets out of hand they'll ask why I didn't tell them earlier. right. Pain--
Quote of e Post:
As we humble ourselves, seek Your ways, fall on our knees, turn from our ways--
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Id:Peace
Everytime i try to post I have to stop halfway and then the net moment I realise it is time for bed- so yea, haven't been posting much. So yes, we have our classes, the CG therefore meets much less now, mostly in between lessons and such-
Oh yea, today we all celebrated XueYi's birthdat after school. Haha, the CG is still together, doubtless, even Shawn is growing closer (kind of I think) Really, the CG seems more like family then my CT will ever be... I wonder hoe 1A02 will turn out- We have the highly enlightened, the oblivious, the clique huggers, the experienced, the self absorbed, the know it all and the apathetic. Well mixed-
Those who poisoned their older brother with insecticide, set fire to their house making a campfire indoors, admire Ayumi Hamazaki, thinks Paris Hilton is an immoral woman (me too), can't live without pineapple tarts, who- I just can't rememeber. There is so much to think through- new people, new start all over again. You know what? I didn't blow it when I first met my OG, we're all friends now. but with 1A02? Boom-
Crud is the word.
The classes have been fun, kind of. Although I dont know anyone, the lessons themselves have enough content to keep me alive, maybe except econs, which is really pushing the limits of my "not sleeping in class" thing- Alright, Ive already broken that in lecture today... I mean hey, economics is really boring- even though they try to spice it up, you must admit it right?
I've become us again. The me in school, the me at home, the me at cell. Why am I blogging these thoughts? I have never done so, isnt "maintaining my image" always a piority? I supposed to be smooth and good with talking. Im supposed to be proud and take pride that I overcame unsumountable odds and made it as top 20% of the cohort into jc. I admire Singapore and countries like her eg. Israel because they overcame great odds. Im proud and glad to be safe in Singapore.
Then why does it feel like I have failed?
Quote of e Post:
I want to know, the meaning of peace and love~
Oh yea, today we all celebrated XueYi's birthdat after school. Haha, the CG is still together, doubtless, even Shawn is growing closer (kind of I think) Really, the CG seems more like family then my CT will ever be... I wonder hoe 1A02 will turn out- We have the highly enlightened, the oblivious, the clique huggers, the experienced, the self absorbed, the know it all and the apathetic. Well mixed-
Those who poisoned their older brother with insecticide, set fire to their house making a campfire indoors, admire Ayumi Hamazaki, thinks Paris Hilton is an immoral woman (me too), can't live without pineapple tarts, who- I just can't rememeber. There is so much to think through- new people, new start all over again. You know what? I didn't blow it when I first met my OG, we're all friends now. but with 1A02? Boom-
Crud is the word.
The classes have been fun, kind of. Although I dont know anyone, the lessons themselves have enough content to keep me alive, maybe except econs, which is really pushing the limits of my "not sleeping in class" thing- Alright, Ive already broken that in lecture today... I mean hey, economics is really boring- even though they try to spice it up, you must admit it right?
I've become us again. The me in school, the me at home, the me at cell. Why am I blogging these thoughts? I have never done so, isnt "maintaining my image" always a piority? I supposed to be smooth and good with talking. Im supposed to be proud and take pride that I overcame unsumountable odds and made it as top 20% of the cohort into jc. I admire Singapore and countries like her eg. Israel because they overcame great odds. Im proud and glad to be safe in Singapore.
Then why does it feel like I have failed?
Quote of e Post:
I want to know, the meaning of peace and love~
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