What can I believe in?

Anna inspi' Nana (BlackStones) - KUROI NAMIDA
Asu nante konai you ni to
Negatta yoru kazoe kirenai
Yume mo ai mo nakushi
Ame ni utareta mama
Naiteru...
> Wishing tonight that tomorrow will never come
> Countless dreams and loves and losses,
> I cry and cry and cry
> As though beaten down by rain

Kazari tsuke nai de kono mama no watashi de ikite yuku tame
Nani ga hitsuyo wo
Jibun sae shinjirezu nani wo shinjitara ii no
Kotae wa chikasugite mienai
> Don't display me, not like this
> I need something to keep on living
> If I can't even believe in myself, what can I believe in?
> The answer is so close I can't even see it

Kuroi namida nagasu watashi ni wa
Nanimo nakute kanashii sugite
Kotoba ni sae nara nakute
Karada juu ga itami dashite
Taerarenai hitori de wa
> Shedding black tears
> I am nothing. Filled with sorrow,
> Unable to say a word
> The pain is welling up inside me, and
> I can't bear this alone

Yonaka ni naki tsukarete
Egaita jibun janai jibun no kao
Yowasa wo kakushita mama egao wo tsukuru no wa
Yameyou...
> I cried in the middle of the night
> Drew my face that isn't me
> That hides my weaknesses
> I'm going to stop smiling...

Kazari tsuke nai de ikite yuku koto wa kono yo de ichiban
Muzukashii koto?
Anata kara morau nara katachi no nai mono ga ii
Kowareru mono wa mou iranai
> Don't display me. Is the hardest thing in the whole world
> To keep on living?
> If it comes from you, then it's all right that it's intangible
> I don't want things that can be broken anymore

Kuroi namida nagashi sakendemo
Shiranu kao de ashita wa kite
Onnaji itami ni butsukaru
Sonna hibi wo tsuzukeru nara
Tooku kiete shimaitai
Wagamama to wakattemo...
> Shedding black tears, crying out
> Tomorrow comes with a face that I don't know
> Struck with this same pain again
> If I have to continue like this, every day,
> Then I want to disappear forever, far away
> I know it's selfish, but...

Kuroi namida nagasu watashi ni wa
Nanimo nakute kanashi sugite
Kotoba ni sae nara nakute
Karada juu ga itami dashite
> Shedding black tears
> I am nothing. Filled with sorrow,
> Unable to say a word
> The pain is welling up inside me, and
> I can't bear this alone

Kuroi namida nagashi sakendemo
Shiranu kao de ashita wa kite
Onnaji itami ni butsukaru
Sonna hibi wo tsuzukeru nara
Boku kiete shimaitai
Wagamama to wakattemo...
> Shedding black tears, crying out
> Tomorrow comes with a face that I don't know
> Struck with this same pain again
> If I have to continue like this, every day,
> Then I want to disappear forever, far away
> I know that it's selfish, but...
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Yay! I'm back lol. But my legs are killing me, I haven't exercised in months haha. But that was really good, to just walk and spend time with these people I haven't worked with in months. I can't remember how much I miss rangers.

Tomorrow's the BIG DAY! Everyone rest up ( have to sleep soon so I can be in church by 6.30am) and get ready for a long and tiring day. For Thailand, for Rangers, for God!

On Friday for cell George was the guest speaker and he did a (rather sketchy) survey based on our 5 Love Languages. I got an abnormally high score on my primary language, which turned out to be Acts of Service followed by my secondary (rather high too) Quality Time. Which is kind of unexpected and strange like. Because George explained that if your Love Language is eg. X, you'd be more inclined to show others you care by doing X, because to you that is the best way of showing your love for them. And I rationalized it a little and I find that it may be true.

Words of affirmation can easily be lies and gift giving entails you a certain debt to the giver. Physical touch is totally freaky and I have many issues about that (stay like damn far away from me). But time spent and doing things together/for each other is a very real, personal and tangible thing that is difficult to fake, because you spend your time, life and effort; things that are irreplaceable to you, in the lives of others. And you're literally sharing your life with them, and as a concept, thats awesome, really.

I don't know, could that be the reason why? I really am not so sure anymore.

Quote of the Post:
I am nothing. Filled with sorrow, Unable to say a word.