In one week, at this very moment I should be fast asleep or I wont be able to catch the first train to meet my friends and queue for live goods at 4am+ (3am+ SG time). I know that I wont be able to sleep, as it is I already sleep on average at 1am each night. The past few days have gone by in a blur and I haven't fully come to terms with the haste at which my departure approaches, I have yet to change money, or begin packing.
While it isn't the first time I'm flying overseas without family it should be the first time I'm flying off alone. Granted it is a short trip, way shorter than I would have liked- it is a trip I've been meaning to embark on. I promised myself after Live Castle that if Nana ever returned to Tokyo Dome, I'd be there to catch it, so when the news came out in Dec my heart leapt out of my chest a little. I didnt expect my chance to come so soon (well soon, is relative to Live Flight+ since Live Castle was in 2011 and it has been 5 whole years)
I want to take this chance to get some things off my chest that have been weighing on my mind a bit ever since I decided to go for this live.
I guess this fandom came as a surprise to a few people, especially those who kind of knew me since childhood. I can't pin down exactly where I came to know Nana-sama, but I guess it would be around the time Nanoha aired- so around 2004-2005. Aside from the OP (Innocent Starter) and Fate's VA, the Naruto anime also led me to find out she was Hinata's VA. Hinata x Naruto was so pushed so it wasn't a popular pairing but I found it cute (I'm glad it prevailed in the end).
Her prominence in my mind faded until a good 7 years later, when Symphogear came along. That was the first time I truly engaged actively pursuing Nana as a fan. That show is my guilty pleasure, it hits all the right spots, hot blooded fighting, transformation sequences, mech-ish suits, magical powers and the singing + fighting mechanics all made it a standout concept to me, however poor the plot might be in hindsight. So if I had to pick, Synchrogazer would be my entry point, not Eternal Blaze or even Phantom Minds which I kept in my hard disk since it sounded amazing. I even used Synchrogazer as my alarm tone for a few months till I cant listen to it without feeling a jolt like I needed to wake up.
Knowing that Nana-sama does not stray past Japanese shores I was content reading second hand accounts of her lives, I have to thank a select few bloggers from Teamliquid for their detailed coverage of her live performances and exposing me to more of her older works. Then came 2013, when magically TMR brought her along for Valverave night at AFA. It was like a dream come true, and I was blown away by how good her live presence and performance was, I was hooked from that moment onwards.
AFA had already taught me that live performances had a powerful impact that recordings could not replicate, being there engraved the performance on your soul and left a high that could last days, even weeks. I can consider myself blessed that in a short span from 2013-2015 I experienced so many events including Live Flight+, which is amazing being so close - there are times I literally spaced out just listening and had to catch myself from being so lost that I forgot I was there, barely 5m away from her live. Meeting the local fanclub during the Live Circus live-viewing was also life changing, knowing there are others, definitely more seasoned fans and being part of the community helped immensely.
My fear is that with so much development so quickly, and now in 2016, I'm going to Tokyo Dome to watch a live, have I run out of goals as a fan too soon? This journey feels like it will end if I hit the climax this easily, before it had a chance to ripened and matured.
Today I got to see another fandom bear witness to their idol group disband after their final live performance. Some fans were moved to tears, others were unsatisfied with the way the last hurrah ended, and yet others remained ambivalent, without enough time to process their feelings yet. As I prepare to watch another milestone in Nana's journey unfold, I cant help but wonder- with the her lack of roles in the past and coming season, and therefore reduced participation in recent events as well as her more frequent forays into other genres, I pray with all my might that this live will not be the place she declares her decision to leave the seiyuu/anisong business. I have voiced this concern to other fans whose responses have ranged from downright dismissive to giving me a cursory agreement, but I feel there is a shift that is occurring, if not in her management, then in my attitudes.
Why do we chase idols, or games or shows, its all to distract us, go give us entertainment and interest in life. After we hit the peak, what if we gain a resistance to the things that used to interest us? Like drugs, what if we grow too desensitized from the things we love, I'm afraid I will lose my sense of awe for Nana, I really am terrified beyond words. To extrapolate, this trip to Japan, on my own is where I will face the "mecca" of anime otaku, what if it does not live up to the hype somehow, what if I find that it "just isn't all that special". What then?
I will find out in seven days.
No comments:
Post a Comment