Run x Cripple x Waking up

Yesterday I went to take my IPPT, first one since ORDing. For reasons logic cannot understand I chose to have it at Maju, which is super far from home but relatively near school. Catch is, I didn't have school yesterday.

I guess on some level that place was more familiar to me. No doubt the place was nostalgic and there were some nifty improvements (sheltered walkway from coy line to gate!) but it was a huge waste of travel time.

The thought of taking ippt knowing I would fail for sure was making me anxious and panicky all day. I woke up, couldn't eat, couldn't go back to sleep and as a result by the time I began I could be considered sufficiently dehydrated and hungry like xmagah. I was just so overcome- like a huge invisible hand gripped my whole being, holding it in an unnatural twist.

Plus I left late cos I started packing but consistently forgot things like what will I do for a phone, towel, change of clothes etc and reached 15mins after my reporting time. No matter there were still many people streaming in but the trip itself was nerve wrecking, thinking how I would be late and if I would be charged if I was defaulted being late.

Surprisingly I waltzed into the camp and after getting my tag I ran into Gordon! It was a pure coincidence, unplanned and unexpected. Now I had a friend within and we crapped all the way till it began- there went my nerves. He was a Godsend.

To put it briefly, nothing has changed since my time in green- I still pass my 3/4 stations and get 0 pull ups. I was even pleasantly surprised when my second jump went 236 but I skidded and fell forward.

2.4 was a whole new ballgame. It was in the MVSC (I think it's called that-) basically a multiple story car-park. We ran around the first floor only in 6 x 400m laps. Sounds simple enough save for the fact I haven't ran any distance worth mentioning since that time with Mervin. So the "run down" (pun intended) went like this-

Run my first round, feeling great 1:45. Second round I'm feeling it kick in and slowed considerably 2:30. Third round it all fell apart and I walked half the round, I was in pain after running just 1km, 7:30. I walked the first 3/4 of round four and didn't even bother to check the time, most people were done by now so it should be around 10. Last two rounds I tried to jog as much as I could to avoid being the slowest of the slows, I jogged and walked when I couldn't, gasping like a drowning guy. I finally clocked in with my worst timing EVER of 17:30. Wow, even when I walked and jogged back in school all the way I only took 16+ so this is a new record.

On the way home I couldn't help but wonder the usual, how I would train for next time and pass bla bla. Eventually I just figured I had to serve RT ANYWAY so just go and try.

Also now I am sore like mad and half a cripple :( I can't descend stairs as easily today. From experience it will wear off in a few days. And I almost couldn't get up out of bed, I kind of rolled out onto the floor leg first.

Lesson learnt? Do warm up and cook down before taking IPPT. I did neither and feel like an earthenware pot now. Cracked and heavy- leaden limbs.

So much for that. I think if I do RT + take IPT in these 9 months hopefully I can clear next time. It's not a long time away and certainly not easy but one can always try.

"Do or do not. There is no try."
Shut up Yoda

Lacking Motivation

So I guess I didn't manage to get anything done today. It's terrible, my discipline. Let's line up what needs to be done in less then 3 weeks.

PS2249 Essay
JS1101E Essay
NM3215 Report
NM3215 Presentation

The essays are scaring me half to death but I don't feel the pressure to start working on it. It's like a flip has switched- once I more or less resigned myself to not having the capacity to take honors.

It's just like K said, below 4 honors are just there to pad the bottom for people like them to sit at the top.

Tonight I accomplished nothing but puff up some distant dream.

好想好想

好想好想和你在一起
和你一起数天上的星星
收集春天的细雨

好想好想和你在一起
听你诉说古老的故事
细数你眼中的情意

好想 好想 好想 好想
好想好想和你在一起
踏遍万水千山
走遍海角天涯
让每一个日子
都串连成我们最美丽
最美丽的回忆

好想好想和你在一起
并肩看天边的落日
并肩听林间的鸟语.喔...

好想 好想 好想 好想
好想好想和你在一起
踏遍万水千山
走遍海角天涯
让每一个日子
都串连成我们最美丽
最美丽的回忆

好想 好想 好想 好想
好想好想和你在一起
踏遍万水千山
走遍海角天涯
让每一个日子
都串连成我们最美丽
最美丽的回忆

Treasure post haste

I know I always start my posts with "i have not posted for so long" but to me that is the most natural thing to do. Its my writing style, this is how i flow.

Haven't touched this little piece in a long time. Sometimes when life catches you in its flow its hard to keep sight of the shore. All the glitz and glamor on the cruise makes you forget the boat is not solid ground. Solid ground is out there, beyond the waves, beyond the horizon.

I hate to say I'm blessed because I know how screwed up some people's lives are.

Yet, being screwed up and recovering is what makes people normal. What about people who have never dared to screw up, do we never grow?

Guess I'd rather hurt then feel nothing at all.

There I go sounding like some floaty teenage girl. Pui.

Feeling nothing is the worst. Pain is how your body lets you know something is going wrong. Without pain, you wouldn't know if you were really alive, or dying, or dead.

Years ago, I said those same words- and you agreed wholeheartedly. Now, I still think the same, but I behave differently. If I were judged by Hofstede Id be an odd mix indeed. High PDI, low MAS, fluctuating IDV and low UAI. I dont know about my LTO, sometimes it seems like I know where I am going. Sometimes I don't even know today from yesterday, from now to tomorrow. Much less plan.

I understand what it means to forgive. I comprehend what it means to accept. I can fathom what it is to care. I know what love is. So why is it all these are just like abstract concepts. Forgiveness, acceptance, care & concern, love. Can they be seen? Yes, their expression can. Can they be felt? Yes, the result of their application. Can they be isolated? Yes, not all come into play at the same time or circumstance. Therefore, are they real? From what we have above, surely so. *whisper* Can they be replicated? ... for me, I don't know.


Treasure
Memories linked to hesitant love are delicate,
So don't disappear.

Floating in the sky, I want to tell this only to you.
This feeling of mine I send to you by a gentle wind.
I always want to hear them.
These words that I want to say only to you are gifts from destiny.
The darkness in the sky reflected the view that'll never leave me.

Memories linked to hesitant love are delicate,
So I pray they won't disappear.
The treasure in my heart one day will wear away.
Hey, do you realize our fate? Or it is all right to forget it?
The tear we've locked away with yesterday sky.

My heart beats like an explosion when I want to say my honest feeling to you.
My words become the opposite of what I'm supposedly saying
From now, I can't do anything.
It feels like the summer season has come
and my surrounding has become hot.
The color of morning glow reflected the secrets that I keep hidden in my heart.

The moment after it become so fast that I can't memorize it.
The thing I won't forget is your smile.
The time went so slow when I don't know whether it'll hurt me even deeper.
Hey, the truth is I'm afraid. Will it finally break?
Yesterday dream has become overflowing tears.

Chasing after a rough path that won't be reach.
Joys and sorrows are still running away.
The treasure in my memories I will protect it for sure.
Hey, when we confused, is it okay to turn back?

Memories linked to hesitant love are delicate,
So I pray they won't disappear.
The treasure in my heart one day will wear away.
Hey, do you realize our fate? Or it is all right to forget it?
The tear we've locked away with yesterday sky.
_____________________________________

Sin mocks

Can't believe blogger has no mobile app. No free one that works at least. Such a farce, damn it nothing is going well today.

Oh how privileged are those who still have hearts that cry

Lime Green

I have posted here in a long long time. In the sense that a real post would include some part of my being poured into this page. Life works in funny ways, I still have yet to come to the complete realization and acceptance that our life is one continual flow day after day, in which everyone lives in at the exact same time. The person on your left or right is as "person" as you are to yourself, they have lives they have troubles, feelings and opinions. They are not just 2D backdrops for you to live out your life upon. It is quite hard to come to terms with that concept.

Today the girl with the lime green bag re-appeared. Fiona, the last I remember of her was from J2 before the study break. I don't even remember her coming down on results day- I was too preoccupied thanking God for my results. That- that phenomena right there is what is stopping me, it is what is hindering me from going forward any more in anything I do at all- to focus on others and realize they are all lives as well. Taking an interest in the lives of others. I suddenly realized that I knew nothing about my fellow classmates or friends, and still know nothing now. When she suddenly popped up after 3 years one fine evening I was at a loss.

What did I know of these people I spent 2 years with long ago? Nothing. I hope this is a start of something. It is exciting when people from my different facts of life clash, it gives validity to the past experiences I had. That these people I knew back then are real, that they were not figments of my imagination. That also the people I know now are as real. Or as false.