From behind the white tape

I have to give thanks to my bunk mate for lending me his itouch so I can like surf the web with greater ease. The psp browser really cmi.

We are at the height of the quarantine here and everyone can tell the mood is like bleagh- the fact that it is a saturday morning does little to help the fact that were stuck in here. Yes I know I ought to be thankful that at least I'm well and its not like were dying in here but still not being able to leave I'd a unique kind of pain... Ok there I go again, lamenting the state of our confinement. Its just so, people do miss the outside world beyond the barbed wire fence and white taped signs. At least going on fb n such helps slot.

I was just flipping through a stack of notes on fb and some blog posts when life struck me. All these people along with all their pain, joy and sorrow- this is the fruit of youth of the heart that loves and the life that flows our beyond the person it inhabits. And a line from a song kept ringing through my head: who ever wants to look back ok their youth and wonder where those years have gone. And I do see that I am such a piece. When did my story end if ever the tale of my youth did begin? Why does my memory hold so many lines of self forged sorrow? Who is this man before me I see in the mirror, face of ashen gray and eyes of pale loss? This cant be me, how could this be. I'm 21 this year! At such an age, where did my path divide along the way? Was it that fateful friend i made? Or that very first card i drew? Perhaps it was the powerful anonimity the Internet gave. Or the rush one gets from picking a fight.

One thing I confess, now, I cannot cry. Even of one I love ought to die, yea I'll feel the sadness but my face won't bend. Its been too long since it began. Rarely there are tears of rage or a few moving songs but it is altogether different to son and weep. Is that true feeling? Is that what it is to be human, what then have I become? Long ago I may have foolishly sought such emptiness, to be hollow and unaffected. It was strength I guess, but now O Lord I see my wrong. These people around me, teach me to be more like them. I am not wise and mature, I'm foolish and wretched, being super practical because that's the only way I know how.

Maybe ive tried to have another side of me. Maybe it didn't work out so well but all i know is actually. I dont know, there is just much of growing up I haven't experienced. Its not exactly living a lie, and life still goes on nevertheless but this is a line that must be breached. A bridge I have to cross. Without feeling like a phony, just a walking mass of imitation and pretense. Everyone is on the road to finding theor real me. SoME, just have a longer way to go.

Someone look me in the eye and tell me who I am, and that I'm not going, or already crazy.

Quote of e post:
was it you who spoke the words that
things would happen but not to me
all things are gonna happen naturally?

Back from 9th RU

Back from Round Up! It was alot of fun :) And we all learnt that we could do things some of us previously thought would be difficult. And I got to know some people alot better :D Pictures will have to come later- and as per usual it should be on Facebook.

Goodbye Edina! Hope to see you soon :3

Why do I always only find the incentive to write when I'm just about to leave for camp?! D:

Quote of e Post:
Fear brings stubborness, skepticism, selfishness and short sighted.

Round Up 09

Round up in a few hours! I'm not that hyped but still- its a camp haha. May God grant me the strength, skill and courage to lead these kids. Its going to be a testing and interesting 3 days. Another day, another story.

I'll post more again when I return! :D

Quote of e Post:
And my own two hands will comfort you
Say when

Enough for now

It is good to be back! The trip was just a little short of wonderful (eat my R&R! grrr) but its still all fine and dandy. I can't share anything about the training part but all I can say is that I do believe the experience has equipped the participants with skills that we otherwise wouldn't have expected ourselves to have.

Enough about the nasty bits on to the fun part! Even though it was only one day R&R was MADNESS! SPARTA! MADNESS! Haha, feeling very blessed. First we headed to this huge theme park that housed both rides and a small zoo- the rides were split amongst five sections ie themes; one western, one arabic, one aztec and so on (We didn't have time to go to ALL okay). So whats so special? I GOT PSYCHOED TO RIDE! OH MY GOODNESS AHHH IM DYING FALLING AHHHH. Yes! If you know me I don't do uhh heights >.< so I just screamed myself hoarse up on some of those monstrosities (devices of pure human ingenuity and maliciousness I reckon) flipping, turning, swerving, twisting and falling. Thank God fo his divine protection upon my tiny life! I can handle being shot at but this? No thank you. Pictures!

Staring in wide eyed wonder- exactly HOW HIGH IS THAT?! Q.Q


The crazy vertical drop ride, I vehemently declined and even evoked the fifth


Deceptive little ride, more scary then it looks T___T

One half (okay, one quarter of the part that sticks out of the ground) of the wackiest ride on the park, the "Screaming Condor". Its a huge U shape with twists, rolls and drops. Not for the faint of heart. Or the sane.

I have a ton more pics but this isnt the place to put em :D

Back to reality, totally insanity. Did I already mention I love the new They Fray album? And I'm itching for an ipod of my own :3

Will post more again some other time- I have some zombies to burn now :D

Quote of e Post:
Breathing comes in pairs, except for twice
One begins and one's goodbye