Only 12 odd days (7 if you skip the weekends) until I finish my course and get posted out of SI. 5 weeks have passed so fast, I wonder what great adventure awaits me the rest of my 1 and a half years in service. The tests are boring, not that they're a total pushover, but more of a dull and tasteless brand of easy.
Life is boring. Check this out, signs of depression include loss of appetite, insomnia / excessive sleeping, loss of interest in activities that one was once interested in, disassociation / withdrawal from friends and family blah blah. Somehow this kind of tells me that practically majority of Singaporean youth are depressed! Wow, and if that begins to count for normal, then what of those who are actually diagnosed as clinically depressed?
Do we just settle for living in silence, or does our silence allow us to live the way we are?
Every step forward is fueled by 3 steps back.
You've never seemed colder.
Fall for You
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cos talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find
-----------------------------------
Wondering when Uni posting results will come out, I really need to know if I even have a place secured at all.
Quote of e Post:
And hold onto your words
Cos talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Reminder to Self
Go watch Definitely, Maybe this weekend, I don't care how, DO IT.
And yes, you're perfectly fine, its only the army air and those (wonderfully) mind-screwy books you've been reading nightly to pass the time. Time to cut the addiction and move on, you'll find the real thing one day.
Gambatte.
And yes, you're perfectly fine, its only the army air and those (wonderfully) mind-screwy books you've been reading nightly to pass the time. Time to cut the addiction and move on, you'll find the real thing one day.
Gambatte.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
So you want to turn your life around?
You wake up in the morning and everything is fuzzy, a glance at your phone reveals its a bright cheery Saturday morning but you can't remember whats going on, wait a hang in there, its coming back... Something about sleeping at 3am, playing card games and being online. Yea thats it. Stumble downstairs to turn on the computer and charge your preferred portable game platform of the day, surf the net, read up on some rulings...
Damn! You're late and still loafing around online, your flippant surfing has taken longer then expected/planned. Suddenly you realize that you have plans for today and you gotta leave, turn around quickly and rush out the door, leaving behind half the things you were supposed to bring along but its fine, since being there physically just may make up for your absence the past few times, who cares if you have everything you're supposed to have. Out the door and it begins to rain.
You leave the house and go outside but you cant seem to associate with the ease everyone else seems to have, OH GOD what's happening here? Aren't these people your friends? What's wrong with you? YOU NEED A CHANGE!
So you want to turn your life around? Quit being a loser and get on with being a normal person? You've come to to the right place, take our simple 12 step plan to getting rid of all that nasty crap that's hindering you from taking life back in reign.
1) The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Say it, yea, tell it to someone. YES, a human, someone you know face to face, someone who isn't in the same situation as you! Preferably a mentor or someone who you can confide in. It's tough but once you get that out of the way this is going to get much easier, brace yourself, its kinda awkward but we're getting there.
2) Step two, clear out your internet favorites that have to do with nerdy shit like anime, game guides and walk-through and manga. Yep, every single link. Oh and those random message boards too, they are turning your brain to mush. Yes its tough to let go of the only life you think you had but you have to.
3) Favorites cleaned out? Now step 3, Delete the stuff you've saved off those places from your computer! Well, maybe other than music and videos maybe. Pictures and games must go! As a step 3a, change your computer wallpaper to something that isn't from an animated series. It's understandable if you don't have something like that on hand, just use some synthetic thing for now.
Great! You're past the first block, just hold on a little more and we'll get through this together! Remember, if you need to, talk seriously with the person you've chosen in step 1 and weigh out the pros and cons. Once you have rationalized this out yourself you'll see this is a right choice.
Go watch a few episodes of your preferred series and laugh at some memes, you deserve it. Just one or two, don't want all that hard work to go to waste do you?
Ready? Lets continue!
4) Step 4 is gonna be a pretty big leap from steps 1 to 3 which allowed you to operate from the safe confines of your desktop. You have to go OUT yes, OUT to the people and talk to all the people you know but rarely talk to, which should amount to practically everyone you know. Just a simple hi, how you doing conversation would do. What you want to focus on is being natural and maintaining eye contact without fidgeting
5) Step five will be a step up from step 4, now that you're out- try to talk to people you know but have NEVER talked to before. Meaning people you know merely by their face and a name. Expanding your social circle is a surefire way to speed up the process of recovery from anomalies such as yours.
6) Step 6. You're almost through! Now, get a hobby, and be interested in something that does not involve any of the taboos we've all gone through before. It may be a sport or an instrument, whatever floats your boat. So long as it get you out and interacting with other normal people, soon enough you'll be just like them!
BZZZTT~ There's some technical issues clogging this tutorial up~ please hold...
7] Step 7 is the simplest. If you've done step 1 to 6, its way too late to retain your old personality and individuality. Congrats, you have just thrown away practically everything that has defined you the past dozen years of your life. If you've followed up to so far you can pick one of the following
- Find a tall building preferably higher than 10 stories
- Arm yourself with a projectile weapon with lethal discharges (ie. guns)
- Ready a sharp knife
- Prepare a bathtub full of water, any deserted ocean or lake works well too
If you picked the building, jump off it. If you picked the weapon shoot yourself in the head. If you picked the knife separate your hands from your wrists and if you picked the watery grave just dive and don't surface until you can't. Just kidding.
Walk up and down the building, or jog. Exercise does wonders for one who has spent almost all their time doing nothing but slack before a screen all year. Sure it may hurt a fair bit but once the results show it will be all worth it!
The projectile weapon is a sign to go on an adventure! Pick up some unconventional sports like shooting in this case. Who knows? You may find you have a flair in things you've never tried.
The knife simply is the sign of a chef! Pick up cooking or some other trade-craft! Learning a technical skill will not only broaden your abilities in life but it give you essential tools to embrace a new world of opportunity which you can now take on. Its a two for one deal!
The last option is to reiterate the importance of regular exercise. Swimming works great for the terribly unfit as the weightlessness will help you to feel more at ease when moving around. Remember, a healthy body breeds a healthy mind!
Congrats! You've reached the end of our minimized12 6 step recovery program! Good Job!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Well now thats done and over, I feel damn stupid haha. Inspired by certain tutorials on uncyclopedia. People with too much free time and no fear of losing their mind ought to check it out for some lulz.
*30 mins later*
It started as a joke, but its not so funny now as it was before. I gotta go sleep before I really go mental.
On the way back home (it was like what? 12:30am?) I went past a private house with a big banner labeled "CHELS' FIESTA". First thing I noticed was not but the throngs of non-local, and I mean WHITE people hanging all around. Smoking, drinking, lying on the ROAD looking at stars (i checked, the clouds are blocking every friggin thing D: ) and just generally chilling in groups of 3 to 4 in the area. Funny how for a moment I figured even if the host were who I thought it wouldn't be, the scene would still totally fit.
Singapore really sucks for the abnormal people. Or are we just considered abnormal simply because the rest of the country are abnormal by the standards of the rest of the globe? Hmm...
im not crazy im just a little unwell i know right now you cant tell but stay a while and maybe then youll see a different side of me im not crazy im just a little impaired i know right now you dont care but soon enough youre gonna think of me and how i used to be
if we knew how i even used to be.
I CANT SLEEP. SO I'M BEING NUTTY AGAIN.
Kop'ed from someone's dA
1) Full Name: loh chang xiang
2) Male/Female: male
3) Were you named after anyone: no, its too screwed up
4) Does your name mean anything: its supposed to mean "smooth sailing", well as far as im concerned i need it- badly
5) Nick Name(s): chang er, xiang chang, lor mee (thats the junk people give me) chanx, faust
6) What do you think you look like: a paunchy (read; fat) disproportionated guy with too little hair and dorky glasses
7) Date of Birth: 14th October '88
8) Place of Birth and Current Location: Singapore on both counts, an island where too much happens on the whole and not enough of any one thing happens at any one time
9) Nationality: singaporean
10) Astrology Sign: libra (the balance)
11) Chinese Astrology: dragon (gragh, i have claws, meow)
12) Religion: christian
13) What's your favorite smell: the sea (when it does not stink), warm bread and perhaps the slight sickly sweetness of
14) Political Position: i don't really know, is it that hard to just "do right"?
15) What do you prefer to drink in the morning: water on the rocks
16) Hair+Eye color: black, plain rich luscious black (not really luscious)
17) Do you look like anyone famous: nope
18) What do you look like: your not so common stuck between nerd loser and poser
19) Any unusual talents: not that i know of
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous: righty, just like majority of the world
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other: straight, i can't imagine it any other way *shudder*
22) What do you do for a living: i study, oh wait, i studied. now? i kill if i'm ordered too for a pittance
23) What do you do for fun: surf the internet, read, watch movies, read, write (a long time ago), play card games, be random
24) What Kind of material do you like to use: the feel of steel is unparalleled
25) What kind of materials would you like to work with: like to? liquid metal- the concept is mind blowing
26) Have you met your grandparents: only on my mother's side and my other grandmother. my dad's dad died before i was even a concept
27)Boyfriend/Girlfriend: no
28) Crush: pending analysis and judgement
29) What celebrity would you date if you could: i don't know that many celebs...
31) Favorite online Guy/Girl(s) : do i have to choose? i dunno, prolly bao or wy
32) Favorite place to be: some place cool, quiet and dark. or the library. (i couldn't have said it better myself)
33) Least favorite place to be: out in the wild (read; outfield)
34) Do you burn or tan: tan, but i don't brown like others, its strange
35) Ever break a bone: not planning to -ever-
36) What is your favorite cereal:
37) Person you cry with: me, myself and i
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: one younger sister
39) Any brothers: only in arms, none in blood
40) Any pets: nope
41) An Illness: narcolepsy, maybe.
42) Pager: what kind of ancient tech is a pager?
43) A personal phone line: not unless you count my skype one :)
44) A cell phone: yes, cant live without it
45) A visible birthmark: i dont think so but i may have some patches...
46) A pool or hot tub: pool! whee
47) A car: no, i haven't begun my quest for a driving license
Decribe Your:
48) Personality: i think im enigmatic, i don't want to hazard what others think
49) Driving: i dont have a license rmb?
50) Your clothing style: no sense of style, like zilch. serious
51) Room: pastel blues and yellow, mellow and contrastingly infuriating for the occasional fit of frustration
52) What's missing: the ability to feel, and some kind of conscience
53) School: the place im "studying" at don't really count as a school. but it sucks.
54) Bed: springy, perfect for standing on (don't ask)
55) Relationship with your parents: oh them! i think i know em from somewhere...
56) Do you believe in yourself: only when i need to
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: i wont know till it strikes me dead
58) Consider yourself a good listener: if i choose to be, yes. (aptly phrased)
59) Have a future dream that you would like to share: i've always wanted to ride the wind, unaided
Do you:
60) Get Along with your parents: yes, we rarely see each other
61) Save your emails: those that aren't regular updates
62) Pray: yes, it does wonders
63) Believe in reincarnation: no
64) Brush your teeth twice a day: a must to start the day
65) Like to talk on the phone: depends. on my mood and who it is. and the topic. (you're stealing my answers lol)
66) Like to eat: used too, now i can't eat as much as before and it makes me feel bloated, so no
67) Like to exercise: i enjoy the freedom water gives, but i haven't swam in ages
68) Like to watch sports: no, i catch no ball
69) Sing in a car: only in my head but yes
70) What is a dream that you have all the time: i dream about dreaming and i dont know if im dreaming or not
71) Dream in Color: too many colors if u asked me
72) Do you have nightmares: yes. i dreamt that i woke up and my life didn't change one bit. then i did.
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: no
74) Right next to you: printer, piles of magazines, phone
75) On your coffee cup: nothing, its a translucent plastic thingamagic <3
76) On your mouse pad: dont use one
77) Your favorite flavor of gum: i dont like chewing gum
78) Your brand of deodorant: adidas, its distinctively lasting without being too strong
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: im not clear actually, i do have some delusions about the beauty of space though
80) Your dream wife/husband: i'll have to dream more vividly to know
81) Hiding in your closet: nothing, i swear
82) Under your bed: too much to list
83) The name of your closest/best friend: would another faction of myself count?
84) Your bad time of day: high noon from 12 to 4pm
85) Your worst fear(s): finding out that everything i know is false, dying alone
86) What's the weather like: humid, preparing to rain tmr
87) What's your favorite time of year: the end of the year, cooling weather, short days
88) Your favorite holiday: Christmas, hands down.
89) A material weakness: notebooks, i love collecting notebooks =x
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: i quite enjoy milo and eggs
91) The top of your "to do list": [change]
92) The hardest thing about growing up: becoming self conscious. (i had other ideas, but this topped mine)
93) A pet you want: none at the moment
94) Your scariest moment: i can't remember, i won't allow it
95) Your attitude about love: it's both an essential and a vice
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex: haven't done that actually, getting their attention would be the last time on my mind
97) The worst feeling in the world: knowing that something is going to happen / is happening and being powerless to stop it
98) The Best feeling in the world: not having to care about anything:- anything at all, not even life
99) Who sent this to you: myself
100) 6 people you tag: the first 6 people to read this (which would likely amount to nearly none)
its 3:30am, I must sleep, even if i don't want to my body demands its rest, i have to comply.
Quote of e Post:
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness."
Damn! You're late and still loafing around online, your flippant surfing has taken longer then expected/planned. Suddenly you realize that you have plans for today and you gotta leave, turn around quickly and rush out the door, leaving behind half the things you were supposed to bring along but its fine, since being there physically just may make up for your absence the past few times, who cares if you have everything you're supposed to have. Out the door and it begins to rain.
You leave the house and go outside but you cant seem to associate with the ease everyone else seems to have, OH GOD what's happening here? Aren't these people your friends? What's wrong with you? YOU NEED A CHANGE!
So you want to turn your life around? Quit being a loser and get on with being a normal person? You've come to to the right place, take our simple 12 step plan to getting rid of all that nasty crap that's hindering you from taking life back in reign.
1) The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Say it, yea, tell it to someone. YES, a human, someone you know face to face, someone who isn't in the same situation as you! Preferably a mentor or someone who you can confide in. It's tough but once you get that out of the way this is going to get much easier, brace yourself, its kinda awkward but we're getting there.
2) Step two, clear out your internet favorites that have to do with nerdy shit like anime, game guides and walk-through and manga. Yep, every single link. Oh and those random message boards too, they are turning your brain to mush. Yes its tough to let go of the only life you think you had but you have to.
3) Favorites cleaned out? Now step 3, Delete the stuff you've saved off those places from your computer! Well, maybe other than music and videos maybe. Pictures and games must go! As a step 3a, change your computer wallpaper to something that isn't from an animated series. It's understandable if you don't have something like that on hand, just use some synthetic thing for now.
Great! You're past the first block, just hold on a little more and we'll get through this together! Remember, if you need to, talk seriously with the person you've chosen in step 1 and weigh out the pros and cons. Once you have rationalized this out yourself you'll see this is a right choice.
Go watch a few episodes of your preferred series and laugh at some memes, you deserve it. Just one or two, don't want all that hard work to go to waste do you?
Ready? Lets continue!
4) Step 4 is gonna be a pretty big leap from steps 1 to 3 which allowed you to operate from the safe confines of your desktop. You have to go OUT yes, OUT to the people and talk to all the people you know but rarely talk to, which should amount to practically everyone you know. Just a simple hi, how you doing conversation would do. What you want to focus on is being natural and maintaining eye contact without fidgeting
5) Step five will be a step up from step 4, now that you're out- try to talk to people you know but have NEVER talked to before. Meaning people you know merely by their face and a name. Expanding your social circle is a surefire way to speed up the process of recovery from anomalies such as yours.
6) Step 6. You're almost through! Now, get a hobby, and be interested in something that does not involve any of the taboos we've all gone through before. It may be a sport or an instrument, whatever floats your boat. So long as it get you out and interacting with other normal people, soon enough you'll be just like them!
BZZZTT~ There's some technical issues clogging this tutorial up~ please hold...
7] Step 7 is the simplest. If you've done step 1 to 6, its way too late to retain your old personality and individuality. Congrats, you have just thrown away practically everything that has defined you the past dozen years of your life. If you've followed up to so far you can pick one of the following
- Find a tall building preferably higher than 10 stories
- Arm yourself with a projectile weapon with lethal discharges (ie. guns)
- Ready a sharp knife
- Prepare a bathtub full of water, any deserted ocean or lake works well too
Walk up and down the building, or jog. Exercise does wonders for one who has spent almost all their time doing nothing but slack before a screen all year. Sure it may hurt a fair bit but once the results show it will be all worth it!
The projectile weapon is a sign to go on an adventure! Pick up some unconventional sports like shooting in this case. Who knows? You may find you have a flair in things you've never tried.
The knife simply is the sign of a chef! Pick up cooking or some other trade-craft! Learning a technical skill will not only broaden your abilities in life but it give you essential tools to embrace a new world of opportunity which you can now take on. Its a two for one deal!
The last option is to reiterate the importance of regular exercise. Swimming works great for the terribly unfit as the weightlessness will help you to feel more at ease when moving around. Remember, a healthy body breeds a healthy mind!
Congrats! You've reached the end of our minimized
----------------------------------------------------------------
Well now thats done and over, I feel damn stupid haha. Inspired by certain tutorials on uncyclopedia. People with too much free time and no fear of losing their mind ought to check it out for some lulz.
*30 mins later*
It started as a joke, but its not so funny now as it was before. I gotta go sleep before I really go mental.
On the way back home (it was like what? 12:30am?) I went past a private house with a big banner labeled "CHELS' FIESTA". First thing I noticed was not but the throngs of non-local, and I mean WHITE people hanging all around. Smoking, drinking, lying on the ROAD looking at stars (i checked, the clouds are blocking every friggin thing D: ) and just generally chilling in groups of 3 to 4 in the area. Funny how for a moment I figured even if the host were who I thought it wouldn't be, the scene would still totally fit.
Singapore really sucks for the abnormal people. Or are we just considered abnormal simply because the rest of the country are abnormal by the standards of the rest of the globe? Hmm...
im not crazy im just a little unwell i know right now you cant tell but stay a while and maybe then youll see a different side of me im not crazy im just a little impaired i know right now you dont care but soon enough youre gonna think of me and how i used to be
if we knew how i even used to be.
I CANT SLEEP. SO I'M BEING NUTTY AGAIN.
Kop'ed from someone's dA
1) Full Name: loh chang xiang
2) Male/Female: male
3) Were you named after anyone: no, its too screwed up
4) Does your name mean anything: its supposed to mean "smooth sailing", well as far as im concerned i need it- badly
5) Nick Name(s): chang er, xiang chang, lor mee (thats the junk people give me) chanx, faust
6) What do you think you look like: a paunchy (read; fat) disproportionated guy with too little hair and dorky glasses
7) Date of Birth: 14th October '88
8) Place of Birth and Current Location: Singapore on both counts, an island where too much happens on the whole and not enough of any one thing happens at any one time
9) Nationality: singaporean
10) Astrology Sign: libra (the balance)
11) Chinese Astrology: dragon (gragh, i have claws, meow)
12) Religion: christian
13) What's your favorite smell: the sea (when it does not stink), warm bread and perhaps the slight sickly sweetness of
14) Political Position: i don't really know, is it that hard to just "do right"?
15) What do you prefer to drink in the morning: water on the rocks
16) Hair+Eye color: black, plain rich luscious black (not really luscious)
17) Do you look like anyone famous: nope
18) What do you look like: your not so common stuck between nerd loser and poser
19) Any unusual talents: not that i know of
20) Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous: righty, just like majority of the world
21) Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other: straight, i can't imagine it any other way *shudder*
22) What do you do for a living: i study, oh wait, i studied. now? i kill if i'm ordered too for a pittance
23) What do you do for fun: surf the internet, read, watch movies, read, write (a long time ago), play card games, be random
24) What Kind of material do you like to use: the feel of steel is unparalleled
25) What kind of materials would you like to work with: like to? liquid metal- the concept is mind blowing
26) Have you met your grandparents: only on my mother's side and my other grandmother. my dad's dad died before i was even a concept
27)Boyfriend/Girlfriend: no
28) Crush: pending analysis and judgement
29) What celebrity would you date if you could: i don't know that many celebs...
31) Favorite online Guy/Girl(s) : do i have to choose? i dunno, prolly bao or wy
32) Favorite place to be: some place cool, quiet and dark. or the library. (i couldn't have said it better myself)
33) Least favorite place to be: out in the wild (read; outfield)
34) Do you burn or tan: tan, but i don't brown like others, its strange
35) Ever break a bone: not planning to -ever-
36) What is your favorite cereal:
37) Person you cry with: me, myself and i
Do You Have...
38) Any sisters: one younger sister
39) Any brothers: only in arms, none in blood
40) Any pets: nope
41) An Illness: narcolepsy, maybe.
42) Pager: what kind of ancient tech is a pager?
43) A personal phone line: not unless you count my skype one :)
44) A cell phone: yes, cant live without it
45) A visible birthmark: i dont think so but i may have some patches...
46) A pool or hot tub: pool! whee
47) A car: no, i haven't begun my quest for a driving license
Decribe Your:
48) Personality: i think im enigmatic, i don't want to hazard what others think
49) Driving: i dont have a license rmb?
50) Your clothing style: no sense of style, like zilch. serious
51) Room: pastel blues and yellow, mellow and contrastingly infuriating for the occasional fit of frustration
52) What's missing: the ability to feel, and some kind of conscience
53) School: the place im "studying" at don't really count as a school. but it sucks.
54) Bed: springy, perfect for standing on (don't ask)
55) Relationship with your parents: oh them! i think i know em from somewhere...
56) Do you believe in yourself: only when i need to
57) Do you believe in love at first sight?: i wont know till it strikes me dead
58) Consider yourself a good listener: if i choose to be, yes. (aptly phrased)
59) Have a future dream that you would like to share: i've always wanted to ride the wind, unaided
Do you:
60) Get Along with your parents: yes, we rarely see each other
61) Save your emails: those that aren't regular updates
62) Pray: yes, it does wonders
63) Believe in reincarnation: no
64) Brush your teeth twice a day: a must to start the day
65) Like to talk on the phone: depends. on my mood and who it is. and the topic. (you're stealing my answers lol)
66) Like to eat: used too, now i can't eat as much as before and it makes me feel bloated, so no
67) Like to exercise: i enjoy the freedom water gives, but i haven't swam in ages
68) Like to watch sports: no, i catch no ball
69) Sing in a car: only in my head but yes
70) What is a dream that you have all the time: i dream about dreaming and i dont know if im dreaming or not
71) Dream in Color: too many colors if u asked me
72) Do you have nightmares: yes. i dreamt that i woke up and my life didn't change one bit. then i did.
73) Sleep with a stuffed animal: no
74) Right next to you: printer, piles of magazines, phone
75) On your coffee cup: nothing, its a translucent plastic thingamagic <3
76) On your mouse pad: dont use one
77) Your favorite flavor of gum: i dont like chewing gum
78) Your brand of deodorant: adidas, its distinctively lasting without being too strong
79) Your dream honeymoon spot: im not clear actually, i do have some delusions about the beauty of space though
80) Your dream wife/husband: i'll have to dream more vividly to know
81) Hiding in your closet: nothing, i swear
82) Under your bed: too much to list
83) The name of your closest/best friend: would another faction of myself count?
84) Your bad time of day: high noon from 12 to 4pm
85) Your worst fear(s): finding out that everything i know is false, dying alone
86) What's the weather like: humid, preparing to rain tmr
87) What's your favorite time of year: the end of the year, cooling weather, short days
88) Your favorite holiday: Christmas, hands down.
89) A material weakness: notebooks, i love collecting notebooks =x
90) The weirdest food or drink that you like: i quite enjoy milo and eggs
91) The top of your "to do list": [change]
92) The hardest thing about growing up: becoming self conscious. (i had other ideas, but this topped mine)
93) A pet you want: none at the moment
94) Your scariest moment: i can't remember, i won't allow it
95) Your attitude about love: it's both an essential and a vice
96) The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex: haven't done that actually, getting their attention would be the last time on my mind
97) The worst feeling in the world: knowing that something is going to happen / is happening and being powerless to stop it
98) The Best feeling in the world: not having to care about anything:- anything at all, not even life
99) Who sent this to you: myself
100) 6 people you tag: the first 6 people to read this (which would likely amount to nearly none)
its 3:30am, I must sleep, even if i don't want to my body demands its rest, i have to comply.
Quote of e Post:
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness."
Friday, April 11, 2008
Who me?
Well yes I've really really been neglecting this place. The course is busy and its full of nonsense that keeps me up and busy throughout the weekends even. The theory is tough and the practical is mentally draining like nothing I've done before (perhaps similar but not like economics). Outfield sucks as per usual but I think I can't reveal any more about this than I already have. Only 3 more weeks to go, and then a few more weeks and its a happy 1/4 of my NS life gone past.
My play-list is so uplifting the rain this morning made me feel like crying. Perhaps it had something to do with the two tests back to back but thats another story to tell. Excerpts tell the complete story, the halfway point marks the entire journey.
"And everybody heres, from somewhere else
You could make a million dollars, but you might lose yourself
And you can take the heat will your heart go cold
They say acting’s just pretending, even that gets old
And there’s never any rain, when you want it
A hollow little game, and you’ve won it
Looking for a thrill but you’ve done it all
So long, put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America"
"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I finally find
You and I collide"
"If you said jump! Id say how high?
If you said run! you know Id fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
And if you ask once Ill tell you twice
I'll ignore the worlds advice
If we could be together
For a while"
"I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
then I can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say all goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to "
"Close your eyes, take a breath
Don't let yourself forget
You are strong
Look how far you've come
Pick yourself off the floor
You know you still got more
You are strong
Look at how far you've come"
"Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know ill be okay
though my skies are turning gray"
"I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I've got my mind on something else
Sunny days, oh where have you gone
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining I can't avoid the lightning"
I'm glad to have sorted out a few many things recently, well theoretically in the way of conversations but still its progress unlike any other. Still living, still breathing, still living, still breathing. Do I know what I think I am supposed to know? Who are you?
Hollywoods' not America, OCS is not SAF, radios' not music and you're not the world.
Now all I need to do is believe it.
Quote of e Post:
love is not finding someone you can live with, its finding someone you cant live without
My play-list is so uplifting the rain this morning made me feel like crying. Perhaps it had something to do with the two tests back to back but thats another story to tell. Excerpts tell the complete story, the halfway point marks the entire journey.
"And everybody heres, from somewhere else
You could make a million dollars, but you might lose yourself
And you can take the heat will your heart go cold
They say acting’s just pretending, even that gets old
And there’s never any rain, when you want it
A hollow little game, and you’ve won it
Looking for a thrill but you’ve done it all
So long, put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America"
"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I finally find
You and I collide"
"If you said jump! Id say how high?
If you said run! you know Id fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass us by
And if you ask once Ill tell you twice
I'll ignore the worlds advice
If we could be together
For a while"
"I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
then I can't remember caring for an hour or so
started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street, took a look at myself
said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
say all goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to "
"Close your eyes, take a breath
Don't let yourself forget
You are strong
Look how far you've come
Pick yourself off the floor
You know you still got more
You are strong
Look at how far you've come"
"Use me as you will
pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know ill be okay
though my skies are turning gray"
"I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I've got my mind on something else
Sunny days, oh where have you gone
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining I can't avoid the lightning"
I'm glad to have sorted out a few many things recently, well theoretically in the way of conversations but still its progress unlike any other. Still living, still breathing, still living, still breathing. Do I know what I think I am supposed to know? Who are you?
Hollywoods' not America, OCS is not SAF, radios' not music and you're not the world.
Now all I need to do is believe it.
Quote of e Post:
love is not finding someone you can live with, its finding someone you cant live without
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