No matter where I look, every blog says one main thing this season. Chinese New Year just feels different this year, the mood is somewhat dampened or missing. I sadly, have to agree. Actually, this "mood" has been on a steady decline for years, as everyone grows older, and more immersed in the world, the less they feel the pull of their traditional roots. This trend is not unlikely to diminish and i predict, will grow until it entirely consumes and eradicates every trade of culture. The only culture left will be competition, rivalry and selfishness. Cherrios. I think im ahead of my time already.
Quote of e Post:
Between the lines of fear and blame,
You begin to wonder why you came
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Tumbling Down
Just came back from lit night. Ive had a lousy day and an uber painful ulcer to boot. Somehow after watching through the entire programme, seeing the elated smiles of the performers celebrating at the end, the past students reunion and all the festive cheer- I just felt very upset, angered even. Like a deep oppressive stone just fell into my chest and sunk deep in pulling everything down with it. Like Id never be happy ever again.
All that talent, that devotion, that passion. Surging forth, -wasted. Am I envious? Absolutely.
I HATE YOU!!
Am I still dreaming?
Things we'd never say.
I dont believe you! Its all lies.
You never believed me~
Never gave me a chance
GO AWAY! Its over!
Why, how did things become like that
And NOW you come crawling back to me
Expecting me to accept you?
After all you've done
No, I dont expect anything
Then why are you back? You want to return dont you?
Damnnit!
I want to change! I want to quit! To quit and become a normal person, live a normal life. To love and be loved without any guilt. But you, and you and you, so many of you. Pulling, tugging me down all the time. The burden of everything you're doing wrong legalised into a norm. But I dont want that! I want to throw it all away!! I want to go BEYOND! I want to get my life back on track! I want to break away!! But im weak! In every way imaginable, Im weak, Im at a loss!
It all went downhill from there, where?! Three Us and a C with what is most likely another U or S coming my way. I hate this week, its been bad, no. Worse. How do I ask? What do I say? Where am I to find $500 or $90? Need? Lost? Responsiblity! My fault! Why should you pay? Bottom of the bell curve. Not the way to go.
"Mr Loh is part of your class, take good care of him" What? Care? Who? Who cares? The painful laughter? You dont care, because I never cared about you either. YOURE RIGHT, im a selfish bugger... All I care about is myself, my wants, my satisfaction, my survival. But I cant change on the spot~ I dont want to celebrate chinese new year. I dont want to meet anyone who knows me, hell I dont want to meet anyone who does not know me. Im not realistic? Not awake? My dream conciousness is more effective then I am in reality? Reality? Am I still dreaming or am I awake? Let me sleep, and dream, the perfect dream, for eternity.
I cant face problems? I dont live in reality? What problems, they arent problems till they kill me.
All the signs of trouble, all the red flags popping up. No one asks me if im alright. Because no one cares a hoot about someone who does not care a hoot about them. I think I just hit paydirt.
Quote of e Post:
I can't look you in the eye
All that talent, that devotion, that passion. Surging forth, -wasted. Am I envious? Absolutely.
I HATE YOU!!
Am I still dreaming?
Things we'd never say.
I dont believe you! Its all lies.
You never believed me~
Never gave me a chance
GO AWAY! Its over!
Why, how did things become like that
And NOW you come crawling back to me
Expecting me to accept you?
After all you've done
No, I dont expect anything
Then why are you back? You want to return dont you?
Damnnit!
I want to change! I want to quit! To quit and become a normal person, live a normal life. To love and be loved without any guilt. But you, and you and you, so many of you. Pulling, tugging me down all the time. The burden of everything you're doing wrong legalised into a norm. But I dont want that! I want to throw it all away!! I want to go BEYOND! I want to get my life back on track! I want to break away!! But im weak! In every way imaginable, Im weak, Im at a loss!
It all went downhill from there, where?! Three Us and a C with what is most likely another U or S coming my way. I hate this week, its been bad, no. Worse. How do I ask? What do I say? Where am I to find $500 or $90? Need? Lost? Responsiblity! My fault! Why should you pay? Bottom of the bell curve. Not the way to go.
"Mr Loh is part of your class, take good care of him" What? Care? Who? Who cares? The painful laughter? You dont care, because I never cared about you either. YOURE RIGHT, im a selfish bugger... All I care about is myself, my wants, my satisfaction, my survival. But I cant change on the spot~ I dont want to celebrate chinese new year. I dont want to meet anyone who knows me, hell I dont want to meet anyone who does not know me. Im not realistic? Not awake? My dream conciousness is more effective then I am in reality? Reality? Am I still dreaming or am I awake? Let me sleep, and dream, the perfect dream, for eternity.
I cant face problems? I dont live in reality? What problems, they arent problems till they kill me.
All the signs of trouble, all the red flags popping up. No one asks me if im alright. Because no one cares a hoot about someone who does not care a hoot about them. I think I just hit paydirt.
Quote of e Post:
I can't look you in the eye
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Croaking the livelong day
I shall not even begin on how long I haven't blogged. Its futile to keep count.
Wow, from common tests to enrolment service, alright, PRE-enrolment service. Common tests were stupid. I mean I was stupid, didnt really mug for most of it. I sense impending doom that I wholly deserve. Whats with the new principal ANYWAY- he's making so many radical changes and stuff, being a hardliner and all that bull. I know you want to bring SR into a higher rung of the educational institution ladder. But its geting repetitive, and you're clearly losing support from us POOR commoners. Right focus, wrong approach.
Mdm Ainon talked about the SGC, yea its great nd all that jazz. But wanting US to do CHARITY and CIP and stuff JUST SO it goes into the SGC is SO NOT FUFILLING THE PURPOSE. society is screwed up, everyone is so screwed up. I am getting the Makubex complex again... May everyone thank God that I don't have access to any WMD. Or I will surely take the chance to push the reset button on this world, if you know what I mean. Yes, now im an internal security threat. The CIA is going to come knocking on my door one day and I'll never be seen again.
Random. No one reads my shit anyway.
They seem to be "on break", in a Ross and Rachel way of speaking.
You hurt your leg?
Elhannah changed the song on her blog back to far away <3
Where's the guy who's forever supporting you?
What happens when you meet someone who is exactly what you want to be? You're damn
jealous and feel like a failure
You can't ignore it, it eats away at you when you know someone is doing a better job
being YOU when you're trying so hard and failing.
You try but you know, you just dont own that area of talent
You cant accept praise, its bleeding mockery. I you hear the invisible laughter
Something hits home, closer then everyone knows
And you can pretend well that nothings wrong. Cos its been wrong for 9 years.
You know He's there, you know He's real, you know He's serious
You know where you're headed if you keep walking the same damned path
You have a FRICKEN BLOCK OF PRIDE that you wont throw away
You think your damned smart, you pretend the tension isnt there
But you know what its like, you know its not them, its you, you who's wierd, you
who's got a bad attitude, you who wont change
You're irritable and snappy because they're happy and "overly-hyper"
You claim to not know who you are. but you do
You just hate who you are and the shit you do
You hate mirrors because every reflection is a taunt
You dream big and talk bigger, with all the inflated swagger behind the airs
You're too old for this, GROW UP.
Emo? What the hell is emo anyway. How does one define the characteristics of a person who is being emo?
+ So far away, far away for far too long
I need a DARKER skin
Quote of e Post:
Who am I to make You wait...
Wow, from common tests to enrolment service, alright, PRE-enrolment service. Common tests were stupid. I mean I was stupid, didnt really mug for most of it. I sense impending doom that I wholly deserve. Whats with the new principal ANYWAY- he's making so many radical changes and stuff, being a hardliner and all that bull. I know you want to bring SR into a higher rung of the educational institution ladder. But its geting repetitive, and you're clearly losing support from us POOR commoners. Right focus, wrong approach.
Mdm Ainon talked about the SGC, yea its great nd all that jazz. But wanting US to do CHARITY and CIP and stuff JUST SO it goes into the SGC is SO NOT FUFILLING THE PURPOSE. society is screwed up, everyone is so screwed up. I am getting the Makubex complex again... May everyone thank God that I don't have access to any WMD. Or I will surely take the chance to push the reset button on this world, if you know what I mean. Yes, now im an internal security threat. The CIA is going to come knocking on my door one day and I'll never be seen again.
Random. No one reads my shit anyway.
They seem to be "on break", in a Ross and Rachel way of speaking.
You hurt your leg?
Elhannah changed the song on her blog back to far away <3
Where's the guy who's forever supporting you?
What happens when you meet someone who is exactly what you want to be? You're damn
jealous and feel like a failure
You can't ignore it, it eats away at you when you know someone is doing a better job
being YOU when you're trying so hard and failing.
You try but you know, you just dont own that area of talent
You cant accept praise, its bleeding mockery. I you hear the invisible laughter
Something hits home, closer then everyone knows
And you can pretend well that nothings wrong. Cos its been wrong for 9 years.
You know He's there, you know He's real, you know He's serious
You know where you're headed if you keep walking the same damned path
You have a FRICKEN BLOCK OF PRIDE that you wont throw away
You think your damned smart, you pretend the tension isnt there
But you know what its like, you know its not them, its you, you who's wierd, you
who's got a bad attitude, you who wont change
You're irritable and snappy because they're happy and "overly-hyper"
You claim to not know who you are. but you do
You just hate who you are and the shit you do
You hate mirrors because every reflection is a taunt
You dream big and talk bigger, with all the inflated swagger behind the airs
You're too old for this, GROW UP.
Emo? What the hell is emo anyway. How does one define the characteristics of a person who is being emo?
+ So far away, far away for far too long
I need a DARKER skin
Quote of e Post:
Who am I to make You wait...
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