Blisters

Its been a long time since, since anything. Since I felt, something.

Something just died today, Im not sure what. But those two orange words made some switch flip off inside. And the three red words two posts down. So not you- whats with all the darkness and angst? You changed alot, alright, everyone changes, but I still feel- I havent grown in 4 years. Still stupid, still immature, still stumbling, still dreaming. Still playing a BLOODY FOOL.

I just wanted to say "Im so sorry, and I'll leave you alone, as if that will solve this problem. The silent akwardness will not end, i did something stupid and Im paying for it. Its none of your fault- I robbed you of the thing I value the most. Please forget I exist." And no, this is totally no what is sounds like =.= (im a vey poor liar)

My job i feel, is a bookman. What? Nothing more then a spectator. A recorder of history, I dont live, I just record the lives of those around me and reflect parts of it to survive. Mr Yew, you are such an interesting person. I cant pin you down anywhere, just like you couldnt pin me down anywhere. I feel, ever since first intake when we got matching personality test things... that we, are in some vauge way... the same.

"You look like a diligent student and the things you do tell me you want to be diligent but the way you are behaving is like a semi-delinquent. You're not here and not there, I dont know where to classify you, do you know that Mr Loh?"

I dont know how to classify me either. I think I am- neither. Im so surprised, the irony of it all, I taking H2 Lit, paper 5 Literature and Identity, not knowing my own identity. My mirror asks me, "who are you", I ask back "who do you want me to be?" It can only reply "whoever you make me out to be".

Information gathering, thats what life is all about now. My ultimate goal, remember, to know everything in the world. To know, knowledge is power. Then knowing everything, there will no longer be any more misunderstandings, no more animosity, no more distrust, no more confusion. Then... what then?

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I guess... Im doing fine