Its been way too long for a post to pop up.
Been really busy, come the week after next i'll be on deployment and then AFTER that come December we have been scheduled for AIT. How we came to have to do AIT all of a sudden is not an event I'd like to talk about. This is the SAF's Christmas present to me, is that the best you can do? I'll beat this one too. One month of hell in a cell, at least some people will be joining me, even if they aren't in the same place going through the same thing.
At least for now i'll be on deployment so things will be fun but then my weekends will be fractured for a month. This is going to be troublesome...
I have, had a dream. Perhaps one day, in the future, we'll find each other. Till then, before we do I hope you stay safe. Oh, and God? Surprise me.
Woohoo! May'n in Singapore! I better check to see if im on deployment that weekend, if im not I will surely go!
Quote of e Post:
What will you choose? Him or the world?
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
What is sad?
You know what sad is?
Sad is when you know that the things you ought to care the most about (and vice versa) are nothing in your eyes.
Sad is when the most excited you've been in months is a card game release spoiler.
Sad is when you don't mind sacrificing weekends because in your heart you know that there's nothing waiting for you out there anyway.
Sad is when you worry more about not being able to attend someone else's birthday party because you know no one will celebrate yours anyway.
Sad is when you know that you really don't know- and that you've learned not to care.
Sad is- when you are so used to it you realize you don't feel the sadness anymore.
Quote of e Post:
We must laugh before we are happy, for fear of dying without having laughed at all.
Sad is when you know that the things you ought to care the most about (and vice versa) are nothing in your eyes.
Sad is when the most excited you've been in months is a card game release spoiler.
Sad is when you don't mind sacrificing weekends because in your heart you know that there's nothing waiting for you out there anyway.
Sad is when you worry more about not being able to attend someone else's birthday party because you know no one will celebrate yours anyway.
Sad is when you know that you really don't know- and that you've learned not to care.
Sad is- when you are so used to it you realize you don't feel the sadness anymore.
Quote of e Post:
We must laugh before we are happy, for fear of dying without having laughed at all.
LOVELESS
My friend, the fates are cruel
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely
- LOVELESS, ACT IV
I have decided, my next skin idea will be based upon either AIR or LOVELESS, either way its going to be original and since the source is so old, I shouldn't have a problem finding material. The current skin is too dark but my skins have always (almost) been black or something along those lines- its neat and clean as well as a solid color. Someone once told me, of fashion- you cannot go wrong with black or white.
A sad existence, never to be close to anyone. At first she dreams, of the sky, and then the past. These dreams eat at her and she begins to feel a pain that shouldn't be there- and gradually, she begins to forget everything. Even her most precious friend. She is always alone and eventually disappears, the morning after she dreams her last dream, she will die.
Here at the threshold of 20, I've had more then a dozen and a half years behind me and none the worse to wear. Birthdays are overrated, each year it passes and nothing changes. Ten years of light, ten years of darkness, the next ten are grey and the other ten might be my last. First I am the light, and then I steep into the dark, next the walls between the two will blur, or even disappear. The inevitable end is that both the light and the dark will cancel each other out, leaving me with nothing- actually no, making me nothing. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust but if you become nothing before you die... then what are you?
I don't need another birthday, I only need to truly die once.
Quote of the Post:
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
There are no dreams, no honor remains
The arrow has left the bow of the goddess
My soul, corrupted by vengeance
Hath endured torment, to find the end of the journey
In my own salvation
And your eternal slumber
Of sacrifice at world’s end
The wind sails over the water’s surface
Quietly, but surely
- LOVELESS, ACT IV
I have decided, my next skin idea will be based upon either AIR or LOVELESS, either way its going to be original and since the source is so old, I shouldn't have a problem finding material. The current skin is too dark but my skins have always (almost) been black or something along those lines- its neat and clean as well as a solid color. Someone once told me, of fashion- you cannot go wrong with black or white.
A sad existence, never to be close to anyone. At first she dreams, of the sky, and then the past. These dreams eat at her and she begins to feel a pain that shouldn't be there- and gradually, she begins to forget everything. Even her most precious friend. She is always alone and eventually disappears, the morning after she dreams her last dream, she will die.
Here at the threshold of 20, I've had more then a dozen and a half years behind me and none the worse to wear. Birthdays are overrated, each year it passes and nothing changes. Ten years of light, ten years of darkness, the next ten are grey and the other ten might be my last. First I am the light, and then I steep into the dark, next the walls between the two will blur, or even disappear. The inevitable end is that both the light and the dark will cancel each other out, leaving me with nothing- actually no, making me nothing. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust but if you become nothing before you die... then what are you?
I don't need another birthday, I only need to truly die once.
Quote of the Post:
Even if the morrow is barren of promises
Nothing shall forestall my return
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I Only Love Crazy People
Alright so I'm sure no one reads this now... lol. I've moved back to Maju, life there still sucks; no matter how I might have imagined otherwise. Sigh.
I got guard duty tomorrow, on a public holiday AGAIN. Whats up with the SAF and my public holidays?
Life is just sad. I just feel sad. Maybe its the rain, maybe its the lifestyle im not used to, maybe its the disappointments I've faced regarding my return to 6SIR. Maybe just maybe, im cracking up- not in the laughing way.
Its tough when its takes a web-comic to make you realize you actually need love. It is also quite disturbing when you find the only really attractive are the OCD girl with crazy hair and the alcoholic bitch (no really, her only defining feature is that she is has a really sharp tongue for criticism- in fact its the tool of her trade) who has severe issues in life because her father committed suicide before her very eyes at an impressionable age. They are not exactly lovable characters but it seems only the crazy people appeal to me. Ahhh Faye and Hanners =)
Its not that other more normal people aren't appealing- its just that, I don't know. Eye bagged, red eyed, tear streaked faces are lovely to me. Scars are thropies and pain makes one stronger- the beauty in surviving is to keep at it when it just gets worse.
Oh yea I forgot, its that irritating streak of mine again. That saving people thing. Or as somone (the only person who seems to have heard this little trait) has phrased it "you're a sensitive new age guy caught between the metrosexual and the chivalric knightshit". Pushing that aside abit, I don't know about being metrosexual (as in to say being image focused as opposed to who i am, says wikipedia, no it has NOTHING to be with one's sexual orientation) and secondly the chivalric knightshit (ahem) is - I don't know.
Alright I really don't know. Love shouldn't be about getting wasted and then laid (that is not love that is a badly plotted modern day romance movie). Heck, I have never gotten wasted, alcohol abhors me as it did in my father's veins (he is allergic). Moving back, why and how can Questionable Content cause so much strife internally? Sure it has its loveable bits but there's something strange about it- something- realistic (alright before you start mentioning pintsize I said SOMETHING, not EVERYTHING) It could happen, but its not healthy, no their lifestyle is very decidedly not healthy as rated by the value system I was born and raised with.
And about Sunday. Being serious- what do I do about being serious? Like This entire life is like a movie, running accross my eys, over and under all around me. Its like a huge script written 2D and a character just woke up 3D, and is baffled by what he is surrounded by. Transcending earth and the things we can justify and prove, going into the realm of the divine and God- I really don't know, I'm sorry Rachel, its not that I'm not serious, I just can't take this seriously, not this, not life, not anyone or anything. It just does not seem real enough.
I fear the big issue we're facing here is DESENSITIZATION. Numb to life, having lived so short but to feel so much. Rubbed raw to the point its nerves are dead, bleeding so much it can't feel the damage. As much as I loved it, I hatd being an empath and perhaps it has finally done me in. Not the science fiction psychic kind- just the kind that really feels the pain he thinks you are going through (regardless whether you are feeling what he percives you are) and believes he understands because of it.
I don't know how I got here. Women cry out in tears and soul wrenching sobs but men cry out in dry anguish and tortured fustration.
Quote of e Post:
And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
I got guard duty tomorrow, on a public holiday AGAIN. Whats up with the SAF and my public holidays?
Life is just sad. I just feel sad. Maybe its the rain, maybe its the lifestyle im not used to, maybe its the disappointments I've faced regarding my return to 6SIR. Maybe just maybe, im cracking up- not in the laughing way.
Its tough when its takes a web-comic to make you realize you actually need love. It is also quite disturbing when you find the only really attractive are the OCD girl with crazy hair and the alcoholic bitch (no really, her only defining feature is that she is has a really sharp tongue for criticism- in fact its the tool of her trade) who has severe issues in life because her father committed suicide before her very eyes at an impressionable age. They are not exactly lovable characters but it seems only the crazy people appeal to me. Ahhh Faye and Hanners =)
Its not that other more normal people aren't appealing- its just that, I don't know. Eye bagged, red eyed, tear streaked faces are lovely to me. Scars are thropies and pain makes one stronger- the beauty in surviving is to keep at it when it just gets worse.
Oh yea I forgot, its that irritating streak of mine again. That saving people thing. Or as somone (the only person who seems to have heard this little trait) has phrased it "you're a sensitive new age guy caught between the metrosexual and the chivalric knightshit". Pushing that aside abit, I don't know about being metrosexual (as in to say being image focused as opposed to who i am, says wikipedia, no it has NOTHING to be with one's sexual orientation) and secondly the chivalric knightshit (ahem) is - I don't know.
Alright I really don't know. Love shouldn't be about getting wasted and then laid (that is not love that is a badly plotted modern day romance movie). Heck, I have never gotten wasted, alcohol abhors me as it did in my father's veins (he is allergic). Moving back, why and how can Questionable Content cause so much strife internally? Sure it has its loveable bits but there's something strange about it- something- realistic (alright before you start mentioning pintsize I said SOMETHING, not EVERYTHING) It could happen, but its not healthy, no their lifestyle is very decidedly not healthy as rated by the value system I was born and raised with.
And about Sunday. Being serious- what do I do about being serious? Like This entire life is like a movie, running accross my eys, over and under all around me. Its like a huge script written 2D and a character just woke up 3D, and is baffled by what he is surrounded by. Transcending earth and the things we can justify and prove, going into the realm of the divine and God- I really don't know, I'm sorry Rachel, its not that I'm not serious, I just can't take this seriously, not this, not life, not anyone or anything. It just does not seem real enough.
I fear the big issue we're facing here is DESENSITIZATION. Numb to life, having lived so short but to feel so much. Rubbed raw to the point its nerves are dead, bleeding so much it can't feel the damage. As much as I loved it, I hatd being an empath and perhaps it has finally done me in. Not the science fiction psychic kind- just the kind that really feels the pain he thinks you are going through (regardless whether you are feeling what he percives you are) and believes he understands because of it.
I don't know how I got here. Women cry out in tears and soul wrenching sobs but men cry out in dry anguish and tortured fustration.
Quote of e Post:
And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
Sunday, September 21, 2008
XKCD
Hahaha! I haven't enjoyed my nights as much since... like ever. Staying out is really awesome for morale (but terrible for your sleep hours lol)
I may not be QX, and I sure as hell don't really KNOW the coding shitz but thus is clear enough to be understood. Brilliantly funny.
I lawled till I cried
Why does that ever look so familiar :'(
HAHAHAHA- Am I the only one who finds the last panel kind of sullies the joke? xS
I'm going completely off tangent with what I feel about this but... why do they ALWAYS portray a girl for these things?!
LoL Damn I spent all morning reading those <.<
Quote of e Post:
Im not slacking off, my code's compiling.
I may not be QX, and I sure as hell don't really KNOW the coding shitz but thus is clear enough to be understood. Brilliantly funny.
I lawled till I cried
Why does that ever look so familiar :'(
HAHAHAHA- Am I the only one who finds the last panel kind of sullies the joke? xS
I'm going completely off tangent with what I feel about this but... why do they ALWAYS portray a girl for these things?!
LoL Damn I spent all morning reading those <.<
Quote of e Post:
Im not slacking off, my code's compiling.
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