Rewatching Seed~

Anna ni issho datta no ni - "We were so close together... "- Gundam Seed -

Words: Ishikawa Chiaki
Music/Composition: Kajiura Yuki
Performed by: See-Saw

We were so close together, but the twilight has a different color now.
The abundance of kindness only keeps a distance between us.
Our coldly ignored hearts are wandering in the midst.
If this awkwardness is what it's like to live,
we shall close our eyes under the cold sky.

Even though we were so close together,
We can't even get a word across between our increasing distances.
Even though we were so close together, the twilight has a different color now.
Please, give us a quiet sleep under the moon light, if it is the last thing possible.

If you are going to cope with fate,
you can't go on saying you are sad or lonely.
Even if it means to break the links of words we have made together,
you would still want to say goodbye to the dull nights.

Even though they were so close together,
the unmatched couple have no place they can reach.
Even though we were so close together, in a glimpse of your new face,
I am fascinated, almost as though it is strange, almost enough that I would feel uneasiness.

Where lie our hearts?
Where are we drifting off to?
So that our eyes do not become lost.

Even though we were so close together,
We can't even get a word across between our increasing distances.
Even though we were so close together, the twilight has a different color now.
Please, give us a quiet sleep under the moon light, if it is the last thing possible.
_______________________

I'm tired, I just want a quiet sleep under the clear moonlight.

This (well, last) year around Christmas I actually got down to writing cards and packing gifts- and while I did have some time after round up to prep I didn't have a whole lot of time. So if you got a card, be glad cos I really just thought of you (all). These people are pretty special amongst all the special people (and you know it)- but for the others whom I had no chance to meet or time to prepare for... Christmas's 12 days are O-V-E-R ),:

I dare say I've been blessed in 2011, blessed with experience and achievement. Yet as another year draws to a close I wonder what 2012 will hold. Time is running out faster and faster and yet these hands barely held anything.

To the boys who moved up today- I'm sorry that I don't have much to say in the form of farewells or wishes. I am equally ashamed of the praises unrightfully given for I have added nothing of value to these lives. Knowing and helping nothing of their problems and fears, much less being able to speak a timely word. The new sec2 know my weaknesses, flaunting them openly- even in jest it stings that these kids can get the best of me.

To you all, I wish all the best- your lives are clearly marked, bright and promising. There is nothing this husk can give with only old cold winds rattling weakly past these brittle ribs of mine. And at this point I ask myself one thing- Decision, delusion or despair?

Lone Ranger...
...alone in the dark...

Listening to music it dawned upon me that every song on this library at one point in time or other was lovingly repeated and memorized, providing motivation, pleasure and maybe even comfort. Skipping over them now to reach the song or album of the moment can be considered thoughtless, or cruel even. Or shall we sidestep passing through them entirely by making a custom playlist- completely ignoring the existence of the rest of that library. Are people like that to one another as well?

Lone Ranger...
...alone in the dark...

Yesterday I went to take my IPPT, first one since ORDing. For reasons logic cannot understand I chose to have it at Maju, which is super far from home but relatively near school. Catch is, I didn't have school yesterday.

I guess on some level that place was more familiar to me. No doubt the place was nostalgic and there were some nifty improvements (sheltered walkway from coy line to gate!) but it was a huge waste of travel time.

The thought of taking ippt knowing I would fail for sure was making me anxious and panicky all day. I woke up, couldn't eat, couldn't go back to sleep and as a result by the time I began I could be considered sufficiently dehydrated and hungry like xmagah. I was just so overcome- like a huge invisible hand gripped my whole being, holding it in an unnatural twist.

Plus I left late cos I started packing but consistently forgot things like what will I do for a phone, towel, change of clothes etc and reached 15mins after my reporting time. No matter there were still many people streaming in but the trip itself was nerve wrecking, thinking how I would be late and if I would be charged if I was defaulted being late.

Surprisingly I waltzed into the camp and after getting my tag I ran into Gordon! It was a pure coincidence, unplanned and unexpected. Now I had a friend within and we crapped all the way till it began- there went my nerves. He was a Godsend.

To put it briefly, nothing has changed since my time in green- I still pass my 3/4 stations and get 0 pull ups. I was even pleasantly surprised when my second jump went 236 but I skidded and fell forward.

2.4 was a whole new ballgame. It was in the MVSC (I think it's called that-) basically a multiple story car-park. We ran around the first floor only in 6 x 400m laps. Sounds simple enough save for the fact I haven't ran any distance worth mentioning since that time with Mervin. So the "run down" (pun intended) went like this-

Run my first round, feeling great 1:45. Second round I'm feeling it kick in and slowed considerably 2:30. Third round it all fell apart and I walked half the round, I was in pain after running just 1km, 7:30. I walked the first 3/4 of round four and didn't even bother to check the time, most people were done by now so it should be around 10. Last two rounds I tried to jog as much as I could to avoid being the slowest of the slows, I jogged and walked when I couldn't, gasping like a drowning guy. I finally clocked in with my worst timing EVER of 17:30. Wow, even when I walked and jogged back in school all the way I only took 16+ so this is a new record.

On the way home I couldn't help but wonder the usual, how I would train for next time and pass bla bla. Eventually I just figured I had to serve RT ANYWAY so just go and try.

Also now I am sore like mad and half a cripple :( I can't descend stairs as easily today. From experience it will wear off in a few days. And I almost couldn't get up out of bed, I kind of rolled out onto the floor leg first.

Lesson learnt? Do warm up and cook down before taking IPPT. I did neither and feel like an earthenware pot now. Cracked and heavy- leaden limbs.

So much for that. I think if I do RT + take IPT in these 9 months hopefully I can clear next time. It's not a long time away and certainly not easy but one can always try.

"Do or do not. There is no try."
Shut up Yoda

Lone Ranger...
...alone in the dark...

So I guess I didn't manage to get anything done today. It's terrible, my discipline. Let's line up what needs to be done in less then 3 weeks.

PS2249 Essay
JS1101E Essay
NM3215 Report
NM3215 Presentation

The essays are scaring me half to death but I don't feel the pressure to start working on it. It's like a flip has switched- once I more or less resigned myself to not having the capacity to take honors.

It's just like K said, below 4 honors are just there to pad the bottom for people like them to sit at the top.

Tonight I accomplished nothing but puff up some distant dream.

Lone Ranger...
...alone in the dark...